


Barson Bits

by motherbearof3



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Chapters rated individually, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-01-22 17:05:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 36,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12486576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motherbearof3/pseuds/motherbearof3
Summary: I have so many ideas floating around in my head, most of which don't have the potential for more than one chapter so I decided to create a collection of bits. I like that word better than drabbles. And it went well with Barson. I won't know until they get written what the rating will be, so I will rate each one at the beginning of the story and give fair warning if it's going to lean toward mature and/or explicit. Some of them will be Benson and Barba as an established relationship, others might not be.I'm still new to all of this sharing my writings, but having the time of my life, much to my teenage daughters' dismay.





	1. Happy Birthday, Barba!

_A/N: I couldn't let Raul Esparza's birthday go by without a little story that formed in my head this morning. See more notes at the end._  

Rated for all audiences.

 

They sat at their favorite watering hole, three pitchers of beer, one glass of wine and one tumbler of scotch on the tables before them; several having been pushed together to make a larger one. Rafael Barba looked at his watch and then turned his green eyes on the woman beside him.

“What time did you tell everyone?”

“Six o’clock, counselor. For the second time.” Olivia Benson took a sip of her wine.

“It’s 6:35. Where is everyone?”

“I don’t know, Rafa. Maybe they got held up with work.”

Barba didn’t like being the center of attention outside of the courtroom and hadn’t wanted to make a big deal out of his birthday. He was content to stay home with Olivia and Noah, order in and eat the cupcakes Noah had made with Lucy the day before. They were supposed to be a surprise, but the sprinkles he washed out of the boy’s hair at bathtime gave it away. Olivia said why not just invite some people for drinks? So he gave in and let her send the texts, telling her squad and some people from the DA’s office to join them this evening after work. Nearly everyone said they’d be there. But now here they sat. Alone. He was starting to regret agreeing to her plan.

“Everyone? On a Tuesday? There was nothing pressing at my office when I left. What were your people working on?”

“I don’t know. Nothing urgent that I was aware of. But maybe something came up after we left.”

He had rolled up his sleeves and loosened his tie after his first sips of scotch and Olivia reached over and ran her fingers down his bare forearm, coming to rest on his hand. Barba closed his eyes, enjoying her touch.

“Maybe we should just go home and have cupcakes with Noah before he goes to bed,” he suggested, feeling a little disappointed that no one had showed up.

“Let’s give them ten more minutes. Then we’ll go. The cupcakes did look good.”

“You saw them!? Where are they hidden?” he asked.

“Huh-uh. I can’t give away all my hiding places. You’re probably a peeker at Christmas time.” She chuckled when he looked sheepish.

Precisely ten minutes later when still no one had appeared, Barba stood. “That’s it. This was a bad idea. No more birthday parties.”

“It wasn’t exactly a party. And it wasn’t that bad an idea. I’m sure things just came up.”

“For every single person.” His lip curled. “Don’t insult my intelligence, Liv.” The disappointment was gone, now replaced by anger that not a single one of his coworkers -- some of whom he considered friends -- could be bothered to come for even one drink.

“C’mon birthday boy, let’s go home.” She slipped her arm through the one of his that wasn’t holding his suit jacket. “What color sprinkles do you want on your cupcake?”

They walked the blocks back to Olivia’s building arm in arm, enjoying the fall evening, and Barba’s bad mood faded away. Home with her and Noah was really the way he wanted to spend his birthday. He wondered what flavor the cupcakes were. At the apartment door, Olivia dug in her purse for her key so he pulled his from his pocket and unlocked the door.

 

“SURPRISE!!!”

 

His green eyes went wide, seeing all the people who hadn’t shown up for drinks, plus his mother, Noah and Lucy, standing in the living room which was festooned with streamers and balloons.

“Su-pwise, _Papi_ Rafi!” Noah ran across the room and was scooped up in Rafael’s arms as he looked around at the smiles from Fin, Amanda, Carisi, Rita Calhoun and more. He turned around to Olivia, who had closed the apartment door behind them.

“No one was supposed to show up for drinks, were they?” He was grinning widely and she was glad her subterfuge was forgiven.

“Happy Birthday, my love,” she whispered, kissing him on the cheek.

 

 

_A/N: The beginning of the story, no one showing up to have drinks for Barba's birthday, actually happened to my husband and I right after we were married. I invited a bunch of his coworkers to join us, we went to the restaurant, ordered a couple pitchers of beer and no one ever showed up. We still talk about it to this day. He turns 50 next year and I've decided I have to throw him a big party to make up for that. Also, Noah calling Barba Papi Rafi or Daddy Rafi, is also from real life. I was 4 years old when my mom remarried and at the beginning that's what I called my Dad. Well, not Rafi, but his first name._


	2. Seeing Clearly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated for general audiences.
> 
> Just a little something that's been in the back of my head and demanded written this morning. You know, those pictures of Raul on tumblr....... ;)

Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba strode quickly through the squadroom, not making eye contact with any of the detectives on his way to his wife’s office, hoping no one would notice. He was wrong.

“Hey, counselor! Looking good!” said Carisi.

Rollins wolf-whistled and Fin just chuckled.

Lieutenant Olivia Benson heard the commotion but figured they were just commenting on Barba’s new suit, and didn’t look up right away from the email she was typing. She finished as he came through the door, shrugging off his top coat and tossing it on the couch and then raised her head.

“I guess they all liked your new su…..” the word died on her lips and her eyebrows shot up.

“Close your mouth, Liv. You’re as bad as them,” he gestured to the room behind him.

She pushed her own reading glasses up onto her head as she gazed at her husband who was standing in front of her desk wearing a pair of round, horn rimmed spectacles and looking damned sexy doing it.

“When did you get glasses, Rafa?”

“This morning. Damn physical included an eye exam and they told me I needed glasses,” he huffed, plopping down on the couch and crossing his arms like Noah did when he didn't get his way.

Olivia bit her lip to keep from smiling at his actions and said, “Well, you have been squinting at the television. And you can always get contact lenses.”

She stood up from her desk and walked around to sit beside him on the couch and pulled the cord to close the slats on the blinds at the window.

“However, I think you look pretty sexy in them,” she whispered in his ear and gave him scorching kiss.

As Barba slid his arms around his wife, he thought maybe wearing glasses wasn’t so bad after all.


	3. Barson Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated for general audiences. Not a story really. Just something I hope you'll like.

No story in this chapter, but I have plenty of ideas percolating. Friday is going to be hell on wheels because I have people from our California office coming to work on the 27th to meet with my department, then I have to leave work in the afternoon to setup for Senior Night festivities at our high school football game (my daughters are in marching band and I'm the committee chair for the pregame social and then have to herd 65 musicians, majorettes, dancers and color guard plus their parents onto the field to be announced pregame, followed by the football players) so there will be no writing for me until sometime on the 28th AFTER I get my girls to school at 8 am for the annual disbursement of the band to multiple neighborhoods for Halloween parades.

Until then, I thought I’d share something fun. Hopefully you all don't think it's too silly. I stole a page from the book of one of my new fanfiction heroes, SaintDionysus, and created a playlist on Spotify to go along with my Barson stories.

Music associated with my OTP’s (I just learned what that meant the other day and I’m stupidly proud to be able to use it in a sentence. LOL) is nothing new to me. I can remember back in the day when I was writing “Remington Steele” fanfics I had a few songs in that I assigned to Laura and Mr. Steele. Same for Lee and Amanda from “Scarecrow and Mrs. King”. I think I even made a mixtape for them from songs off of the radio in college. Wow, I’m old.

Anyway, I wanted to share the songs and the playlist link with you all since you’ve been so kind and supportive and continue to fuel what my 15 year old daughter calls my mid-life crisis. LMAO I told her there are worse things I could be doing.

The playlist was just initially to go with Enchanted because of Besame Mucho, but I just kept adding them as I heard them and was inspired. For instance, the lullaby sung by Raul Esparza planted the seed for a Barson Baby story and I have an image in my head, but my muse and I are in negotiations.

They are in the order I’ve added them, but if you were curious, here are the ones that go with Enchanted in my head:

  * Breathless, by Corinne Bailey Rae
  * In Case You Didn’t Know, by Brett Young
  * Falling in Love, by Cody Fry
  * You Look Good, by Lady Antebellum
  * The Way You Look Tonight, by Michael Buble
  * The Look of Love, by Diana Krall
  * Besame Mucho, versions by both Andrea Bocelli and Diana Krall
  * Slow Hands, by Niall Horan
  * Black, by Dierks Bentley (Damn, if you’ve never listened to this song, give it a go. It is one of the sexiest songs I’ve ever heard)
  * Versace on the Floor, by Kane Brown (much much better than Bruno Mars’ version imo)



  
Can’t Take My Eyes Off You is on there because I heard there’s a clip of Raul singing it out there somewhere and I need to hear it. I honestly don’t know how I found Creo en Ti (Finally). It just appeared on those random playlists that Spotify gives you or as a recommendation; I don’t remember which. But wow. It really works for me. I was so happy they offer the English version as well. The Carrie Underwood song speaks to me more from a Barba perspective, rather than Benson’s. I’m sure I’ll add more as they speak to me. Enjoy listening while you read.

https://open.spotify.com/user/motherbearof3/playlist/2yQUUFr8B7rAZHqb2qX7ov

 

 P.S. The next chapter of Enchanted is getting there. I can't wait to share it but I don't want to rush it.

 


	4. Their Little World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Barson Baby story. 
> 
> Rated for all audiences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday!
> 
> This has been whispering to me ever since I heard Raul sing "This Little World". All I could see from the opening bars was Barba singing to his and Olivia's baby. Sorry if it's a little long to be a Barson Bit, but I felt like if I took it multi-chapter it would lose the impact. My first time at writing Lucia Barba, but I think I did her justice.

When her phone vibrated with a call from an unfamiliar number during dinner, Olivia Benson let it go to voicemail. Rafael Barba was cutting Noah’s meat and he caught her eye when she didn’t answer it. She shrugged. “If it's important they'll leave a message. If it's an emergency, they'll call right back.”

It wasn’t until after dinner was over, the kitchen tidied, Noah bathed, read to and tucked in -- for the second time -- and she sat down on the couch with a tired sigh that she remembered the call. Her phone was still on the table.

“Rafa?” she called. He was in the kitchen making a cup of tea. She’d gotten him to switch from coffee to tea in the evenings when he brought work home. At least then he fell asleep when he got into bed.

“Yes, _mi amor_? Do you want a cup?”

“No. Would you bring my phone when you come back in, please? I want to see who that call was from.”

He handed her the device as he returned and sat down beside her on the couch, opening a file to resume his note taking. Olivia queued up her voicemail and held the phone to her ear. Rafael was engrossed in his work but picked up his head when he heard her gasp.

“Olivia?”

She was sitting with the phone still to her ear, her other hand covering her mouth, eyes wide. He put his notepad on the coffee table and moved closer to her on the couch.

“What's wrong, _mi amor_?”

She lowered the phone to her lap, and stared at him.

“Liv?”

She shook her head and smiled.  “Nothing’s wrong. Something could be very good.”

“Okay, you're going to have to give me more than that. Let's start at the beginning.” He switched into lawyer mode. “Who called?”

She turned sideways to face him and pulled one leg up onto the couch. “It was an adoption agency that specializes in foreign adoptions.”

“What? Why? When did you contact an adoption agency?”

“About seven years ago. Before Noah came into my life. I wasn't seeing anyone, I was over 40, and I knew I would never give birth to a child of my own. But that didn't mean I couldn't be a mom, Rafa.

“So I contacted an adoption agency that specializes in foreign adoptions. I figured being single I might have a better chance of getting a baby from another country. I filled out all the paperwork but I never heard from them. Then Noah came along and I forgot all about it.”

“Until now,” he finished. She nodded.

“Until now.”

“So why did they call you?”

“Remember the hurricane in the Caribbean? Apparently there are a few children who were orphaned and this agency is working to find them homes,” she explained.

“Liv, is this something you would consider? Adopting another child?”

“I - I don't know, Rafael. My life is pretty great right now. I have you. I have Noah. But there are children out there who don't have anyone.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper like it did when she felt very strongly about something and was feeling emotional.

He reached out and pulled her into his arms and she wrapped hers around his back, burying her face in his neck inhaling the scent that was uniquely him. It was equally comforting and arousing. She pulled her head back to look into his green eyes. She loved him so much, but she was afraid of what he would say if she told him she wanted to call that agency back, that she wanted to give a child who had been orphaned a new home and someone to love them.

Olivia disengaged herself from his embrace and stood, walking to the kitchen to turn on the kettle to make hot water. She needed something to occupy her hands while her mind was going a mile a minute. Even though they’d been together for nearly a year, had moved in together months ago and disclosed their relationship to 1PP and the District Attorney’s office, changed their emergency contacts to each other and added him as one of Noah's, they weren't married. They'd never had that conversation. She hadn't pushed the issue; she was happy the way things were. So taking the step of adding a child to their casual little family scared her. Not because she couldn't handle parenting a second child, or was concerned of what Noah would think about having a sibling, but because she was afraid it might send Barba packing.

He loved Noah. She knew he did. He was _Papi_ Rafa, shared equally in parenting duties, and referred to him as his son, even though he legally was not. But two children? With their schedules and workloads? She just wasn’t sure what he’d think.

“ _Mi amor_ , what are you thinking?”

He had followed her to the kitchen, opened a cupboard, took out a mug, then dropped a tea bag into it for her. He knew Olivia Benson well enough that the look on her face meant she was thinking about something. Hard. And she wasn’t going to share it with him until she was ready. He waited patiently while the water boiled, she poured it into her cup, and returned the kettle to the stove. Then she picked up her cup and cradled it in her hands, letting it warm her fingers.

“Yes,” she said. He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I want to call the agency back about adopting one of the children that need homes.” She looked him in the eye almost challenging him to disagree.

“Okay. Let's do it.” He took the cup from her, put his hands on her shoulders and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. He heard her expel the breath she'd been holding, and he understood what her deep contemplation had been about. “You didn't think I'd want to?”

She raked her fingers through her hair. “I don't know what I thought. You treat Noah like your son, even though he's not. But another child.” She shrugged.

“My God, Liv. Noah may not be legally mine, but I treat him like my son, because he is my son.” Barba tapped his chest. “In here.”

Her brown eyes sparkled with tears, and she swallowed hard past the lump that formed in her throat.

“Oh, Rafael.”

Before he could say anything else, a small voice could be heard from down the hall, “Mommy? _Papi_ Rafa? I'm thirsty.”

“I got this,” he said. “Turn off the lights and let's go to bed.”

He walked down the hall and she heard him speaking softly to Noah. Olivia turned off the lights and made sure the front door was locked. Then she went to their bedroom, where he joined her a few minutes later. After they had gotten undressed and climbed under the covers, she put her head on his shoulder and an arm across his chest.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry I doubted you.” Barba, who had his arm around around her shoulders, gave her a squeeze.

“Don’t. I get it. I wasn’t exactly a parental poster child the first few times I met Noah,” he chuckled. “But you helped me learn how to be a dad. If you want to adopt another child, we’ll do it together.” He pressed a kiss to the top on top of her head.

The next morning, they called the adoption agency and scheduled a meeting. Three days later they sat in hard chairs on the other side of the desk of Linda Meyerson, who was handling inquiries into the children orphaned by the hurricane. She had Olivia’s file open in front of her.

“Ms. Benson, we called you because had previously applied with our agency to adopt a child. I understand that you now have a adopted son?”

“Yes, his name is Noah and he’s almost six years old. Is that a problem?”

The other woman shook her head. “No, that doesn’t necessarily exclude you from consideration.” She opened a second file, turned it around and slid it across the desk toward Olivia and Rafael. “There are six children for whom we are trying to find adoptive homes.”

While Olivia picked it up and looked at the photos, Meyerson continued talking. “Three of them are from the island of Guadaloupe, two are from Martinique and the youngest is from St. Lucia.”

All of the children were young. The oldest appeared to be around Noah’s age, the youngest an infant, obviously a girl; as she was swaddled in a pink blanket in her photo. She had large, dark eyes and wisps of dark curly hair. Olivia couldn’t take her eyes off the baby.

“Rafael,” she said softly, “look at her.” She touched the photo gently with her fingertip. “Isn’t she precious?”

Barba, who other than Noah, had no experience with children let alone babies, had to agree. He nodded and looked at the woman on the other side of the desk.

“How old is she?”

“She is not quite two months old. She was born a week before the hurricane hit. Her parents died when the winds destroyed their house. They were found in the debris, shielding her. She survived because they protected her.”

Olivia and Rafael exchanged looks. That poor baby. How much her parents had loved her, to die protecting her.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Barba,” Meyerson interrupted their silent exchange. “Are you Ms. Benson’s attorney?”

“I am an attorney, yes, but I’m not here representing Olivia,” he smiled and took her hand. “We would be adopting together.”

The adoption agent smiled in return. “So you’re married.”

“No, we’re not,” replied Olivia and felt her stomach drop when the agent’s smile faded and she squeezed Barba’s fingers.

“Is that a problem, Ms. Meyerson?” he inquired.

“Possibly. You see, all of these children were taken in by a church on Guadaloupe --”

“A Catholic church,” Barba interrupted.

“Yes.”

“And they wouldn’t approve of a non-married couple adopting together.”

“Most likely.”

“But that’s ridiculous!” exclaimed Olivia. “These children need homes, need families to love them. What does it matter if their adoptive parents aren’t married?”

“Ms. Benson, I personally don’t disagree with you. But the church is the temporary legal guardian of these children, and they are the ones who have to agree to the adoption for each of them.”

“Then I guess this meeting is over.” Olivia closed the folder of the children’s photographs, placed it on the desk and stood. “Thank you for your time.”

“Liv --”

“Let’s go, Rafael. There’s no sense in any further discussion if we can’t adopt any of these children.” Her voice had dropped to a near whisper and she turned to leave, trying to hide her disappointment from the adoption agent.

“We’ll be in touch, Ms. Meyerson.” Barba shook the woman’s hand. “Thank you.”

Olivia walked quickly from the office and out to the street. He rushed to keep up with her and grabbed her elbow to stop her on the sidewalk.

“Olivia, stop.” She whirled around on him, unshed tears in her eyes.

“Why, Rafa? Why? We can’t adopt any of those beautiful children. It’s not worth talking about.”

“Oh, _mi amor_. Let’s go sit.” He guided her into a nearby coffee shop. Since it was midday, it was all but deserted save for a couple college students tapping away on laptops. Hand at her waist, he led her to a table in a corner and pulled out a chair for her. She sank down onto the seat. “I’ll be right back.”

He went to the counter, ordered them each a coffee and returned to the table. Sitting beside her, he said, “Drink.”

She took a sip of the hot bracing liquid, but couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. She was devastated that just because they weren’t married, they weren’t considered eligible to adopt. That’s not the way it was supposed to work. _Maybe she should have gone alone._

“No, Liv, you shouldn’t have.” Her head snapped up and brown eyes met green. She didn’t realize she had spoken that thought aloud.

“Listen. We’re a team. Even when you were just my best friend, we were a team. If you want to adopt a second child, we can find another agency.”

“But what if they say the same thing? What if no one will give a child to a man and woman who aren’t married?” The words just spilled out. She didn’t mean them to sound as negative as they did, but there was a spiral of fear curling in her stomach that another agency would react the same way: _Not married? Sorry. No child for you._

Before he could reply, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out and answered the call, “Benson. All right. Yes. I'll be right there.”

Re-pocketing the phone she looked at Barba and he could see she had shifted into cop mode, pushing the adoption issue to the back of her mind.

“Caught a case?” he asked, already knowing the answer. She nodded.

“Yes. I gotta’ go.”

“Let's get you a cab,” Barba said, standing. “We'll talk more tonight.” She didn't reply and he saw the hesitation in her eyes as she got up from her chair. “I love you. I'll get Noah after school and see you tonight. Let me know if you'll be late.”

“I love you.” She put a hand to his cheek and pressed her lips to his briefly.

On the sidewalk, he put Olivia in a cab to her precinct and then hailed another one for himself. He had cleared his calendar for the day and Noah wasn't out of school for more than an hour. He gave the cabbie the address of his mother's school and sat back in the seat, thinking about what had transpired in the last hour.

Rafael had been raised Catholic, and although it had been a while since he'd last attended Mass, much to his mother’s displeasure, he hadn't forgotten any of the church’s teachings. He had known as soon as Linda Meyerson had said the children were in the care of the church, adoption by he and Olivia as an unmarried couple would be frowned upon.

The cab pulled up at the school where Lucia Barba was assistant principal. He paid the fare and got out. The secretary knew him on sight and waved him back to his mother’s office. He entered without knocking.

“ _Hola, Mami_.”

“Rafael! _Mi hijo_! To what do I owe this pleasure?” Lucia stood up from her chair and embraced her son with a kiss.

He sat down in one of the upholstered chairs in his mother's office and poured out the story of the visit to the adoption agency, about the children, the infant that had captured Olivia's attention and the agent’s reaction to them not being married and seeking to adopt. She listened carefully until he stopped speaking. It wasn't often that her grown son came to him for advice. And while he hadn't exactly asked for it, she knew he was looking for some motherly guidance.

“Rafi, do you love Olivia?”

“ _Mami,_ you know I do!”

“And you love Noah.”

“As if he was my own flesh and blood.”

“And you would like to be parents to another child with her?”

“Yes. Where are you going with this?” He narrowed his eyes, feeling much like he was on the witness stand.

Lucia put her hands out in front of her, palms up. “Then why are you still just playing house?”

Rafael frowned at his mother for a moment. Then his brow smoothed out and he knew with sudden clarity what she meant and what he needed to do. He rose from the chair, and rounded the desk.

“ _Gracias, Mami.”_ He kissed her cheek. She reached up and patted his, smiling.

“ _Te amo,_ Rafi. Are you all coming for brunch on Sunday?”

“Wouldn't miss it. Noah wants chocolate chip pancakes.” He grinned, and turned for the door.

As he left the school, a glance at his watch told him it was time to pick up Noah. Then they would make one stop before going home and getting dinner started.

Olivia sighed as she opened the apartment door. She hadn't made it home in time for dinner, but the new case was safely in the capable hands of Fin Tutuola. She didn't mind delegating once in awhile. It was one of the benefits of being the boss. On the way home she allowed her mind to return to the conversation at the adoption agency and it made her heart heavy. When she laid eyes on the photo of that beautiful baby girl, she'd felt a pull toward her she had only ever felt once before: toward Noah. She wanted to bring that baby home to be her and Rafael’s daughter.

“Mommy!” Noah ran at her as she closed the door behind her and she swung him up in her arms. He was almost getting too big to do that easily. Her tiredness faded and her heart lightened with her son in her arms.

“Hello, my sweet boy.” She nuzzled his neck. He smelled sweet and clean from a recent bath, his hair a riot of curls as they dried.

“You're just in time for a story,” said Rafael, taking the boy from her arms and putting him down. “Go pick a book, _hijo._ Hello, _mi amor.”_ He kissed her lingeringly, and she hummed with pleasure.

“Hi,” she said softly when it ended.

“I waited to eat with you once our boy is in bed. Go change and meet us in his room.”

Olivia went to their bedroom and changed into a pair of leggings and one of Barba’s Harvard Law t shirts. It was soft, worn and smelled like him no matter how many times it was laundered. She wore it often, especially if he had to go out of town for work. Barefoot, with a freshly washed face and hair pulled up in a clip, she joined him and Noah in the boy’s room where they were waiting for her to read the bedtime story he had chosen. Tonight's selection was How Do Dinosaurs Say Goodnight? Noah had recently discovered the prehistoric reptiles and was fascinated by them. Once the book was read, hugs and kisses given and blankets tucked just so, Rafael and Liv returned to the kitchen.

He poured her a glass of wine and said, “Sit. I'll get the plates.”

She sat at the breakfast bar, watching him move around the kitchen with ease, dishing up the meal he had kept warm for the two of them. As much as she liked looking at him in his crisp shirts, suspenders and vests, Liv also enjoyed seeing him in relaxed clothes. At the moment he was in lounge pants and a t shirt. Once both plates were fixed he put them the bar, got cutlery from a drawer and joined her.

“Thank you. It looks good,” she said. They ate and Olivia filled him in on the new case. When they were finished and the dishes put in the dishwasher, they went to the living room and sat down on the couch.

“Want to talk about today?” Rafael asked, pulling her into his arms. She shook her head.

“What is there to talk about, Rafa, if they won't let us adopt since we're not married?” She closed her eyes. “I just can't stop thinking about that baby girl, though.”

“Her name is Marisol.” Liv’s eyes flew open.

“What? How, how do you know that?”

“I called Linda Meyerson and asked,” he replied with a shrug.

“Why would you do that? Why would you tell me her name, if we can't have her?”

“We can have her, Liv. If you'll have me.” His heart was beating faster now that he'd said it. She tipped her head and looked at him.

“Have you? Rafa -- “ she stopped as a thought occurred to her. “What are you saying?”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, covered in worn velvet. Opening it, he revealed a delicate ring of swirling bands of gold, each dotted with tiny sparkling diamonds. Removing it from the box, he took her left hand and slid it onto the fourth finger. It fit as if made for her.

“This was my _abuela’s_. What I'm saying, Olivia Benson, is will you have me to be your husband? Will you marry me?”

Her mouth formed a silent O for a moment as she looked first at the ring and then at the man beside her, whom she had loved since before she realized she did. Then she smiled, and pressed her lips to his.

“Yes.” She kissed him again. “Rafael Barba.” And again. “I will marry you.”

Sliding his hands into her hair, releasing the clip, he captured her mouth in a passionate kiss. When they finally separated, needing to catch their breath, he rested his forehead against hers.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you.”

They were married as soon as they could file for the license. It was a quiet wedding in the judge’s chambers, with just Lucia and Noah present. The next day, Barba filed the papers to adopt Noah and they paid another visit to Linda Meyerson. A month later, they flew to Guadaloupe and brought Marisol Barba home with them. Noah was overjoyed to have a baby sister and Lucia was delighted to finally be _abuela_ to both children.

Olivia opened her eyes, wondering what woke her. There were no cries coming from the baby monitor, but the mattress beside her was empty. Rafael must have gotten up with Marisol. Then she heard it. Soft singing coming through the monitor. Pushing back the covers, she got out of bed and pulled on her robe. Then she walked quietly down the hall toward their daughter’s room.

The door was part way open, and moonlight streamed through the window, illuminating him in the rocking chair, their daughter cradled in his arms. As he rocked gently, he was singing to her. Her husband had a fondness for Broadway musicals and the song was from an album called Over the Moon, the Broadway Lullaby Project; a collection of lullabies sung by Broadway performers. It was called This Little World. Liv stood in the hall and listened.

_This little world_  
_can seem so big_ _  
_ without anyone to love…

_to love._

_This little world_  
_can make you feel trapped_  
_inside a ball of glass_  
_with no God above_  
  
_There's no escape_  
_it's just the city and you_  
_it's so big and there's no way out_  
  
_'Til someone shakes it around_  
_and the snow falls down_  
_around you it falls down._  
  
_And you see another face_  
_looking back at you_  
_and you realize_  
_it's so little_  
_it's so little..._  
_This little world._  
  
_It's just the city and you_  
_it's so big and there's no way out..._  
_Til someone shakes it around_  
_and the snow falls down_  
_around you it falls down._  
  
_And you see another face,_  
_looking back at you_  
_and you realize_  
_it's so little_  
_it's so little..._ _  
_ This little world.

She smiled and brushed away the tear that had fallen on her cheek. Then she turned and went back to their room, leaving father and daughter alone together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ring description I stole and adapted from what Benson (Mariska's own ring?) is currently wearing on her right hand.


	5. Leaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for thebarsondaily Tumblr weekly prompt: leaves. My first attempt at one. Hoping it isn't complete trash.
> 
> Rated for all audiences.

Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba finished his opening statement and turned to walk back to his chair. From her seat in the gallery, Lieutenant Olivia Benson gave him a subtle nod. He inclined his just barely in return.

“Mr. Barba.” He spun back around to look at the woman seated behind the bench.

“Yes, your honor?”

“Did you enjoy your walk to work this morning?” Judge Peck said, her mouth twitching with a repressed smile.

Barba didn’t know why the judge was asking him this but went along with the line of questioning.

“Why, yes I did, your honor. My son and I walked through the park on his way to school. It was a beautiful day for it.”

“Well, the next time you enjoy the outdoors, Mr. Barba, try not to bring it into my courtroom with you,” she said.

“I’m sorry?” he frowned, puzzled.

“Your pants, Counselor,” sniggered the defense attorney.

Barba looked down and to his horror saw there were pieces of dried foliage and a couple small sticks caught in the cuffs of his trousers. It gave him the appearance of a well dressed scarecrow. Keeping his composure, he bent, plucked them out and placed them neatly on the table as Olivia bit her lip to keep from smiling. Then he unbuttoned his jacket and took his seat. That would be the last time he let Noah talk him into running through a pile of leaves!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I've ventured onto Tumblr; further proof to my daughter I'm experiencing a mid life crisis. You can find me there as motherbearof03.
> 
> Also I keep plugging away at the next installment of Enchanted. Hoping to get it posted soon! Happy Tuesday! Tomorrow is SVU Day!


	6. Thankful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For thebarsondaily prompt: thankful
> 
> Rated for all readers.

The bookshelves were empty. All the periodicals, journals and reference books, along with a few novels he’d accumulated over the last 15 years had already been boxed up by Carmen and moved to his new office. But former District Attorney, soon to be Judge Rafael Barba wanted to pack up his desk himself.

Sitting down in the worn leather chair for the last time, he put his nameplate in a box, along with other items that had resided on the top of his desk. Drawers were next. He made a face. As tidy as the top of his desk and the rest of his office was, Barba had a penchant for just tossing papers into drawers and forgetting about them.

After the first drawer took him more than 30 minutes to go through and decide what needed to be kept and what shredded, he took a different approach: toss it all in the box and let Carmen sort through it. He was on the last drawer and had just removed a handful of old phone message slips when bright colors caught his eye, the item half covered by a legal pad. Picking up the pad, he removed the paper beneath.

A small handprint had been pressed onto the paper with paint. Legs, a beak, an eye and feathers were drawn on in crayon to fashion an elementary looking turkey. At the bottom, in childish letters had been carefully printed:

**I am thankful for Papi Rafa marrying my mom.**

Tears pricked his eyes and he blinked them away. Noah made that at school the first Thanksgiving after he and Olivia were married. He smoothed the paper on the desk. This would get framed and hung in his chambers.


	7. Ringtone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barba loses his phone.
> 
> Rated for all audiences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fun for Friday! Enjoy!

“Barba, for heaven’s sake, just let me call it!”

“No, Liv. It’s here somewhere. Just keep looking.”

ADA Rafael Barba’s phone was missing. He had already turned his own offices upside down and nearly driven Carmen mad with the mess before coming to the 16th precinct, convinced it had to be there somewhere. He and Lieutenant Olivia Benson, along with detectives Amanda Rollins, Dominick “Sonny” Carisi and Fin Tutuola had been looking for it for nearly an hour. They had scoured the squad room, interrogation rooms, lineup viewing room, and Olivia’s office to no avail and were starting to get frustrated.

“C’mon, counselor. Let’s just call it,” Carisi tried a second time.

“No!” It came out more forcefully than he intended. “I mean, we wouldn’t hear it. It’s on vibrate.”

“No, it’s not. When you were here yesterday I heard it ring,” Olivia countered. “This is ridiculous. I’m calling it.”

Before he could stop her, she pulled out her own phone and pressed his contact. Everyone listened for the phone. After a moment, a faint sound could be heard coming from her office. She walked in, but Barba was rooted in place, knowing the ringtone that was going to be playing. He and the detectives watched her pull the couch under her window away from the wall and bend over.

A moment later she returned, holding his phone that was playing “Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison. Handing it to him with a smirk, she ended the call on her phone and the music stopped. He took it, feeling the warmth on his face that more than the two of them now knew his ringtone for her.

“Thanks. I’ll see you later.” He met her eyes briefly then turned and strode toward the elevators, while Benson faced the three who remained each with varying expressions on their faces. She threw up her hands.

“Oh, please. Like you didn’t already know. Back to work.”


	8. A Barson Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv, Barba and Noah celebrate their first Thanksgiving together. Like most family holidays, it’s not all stuffing and gravy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving, gentle readers!
> 
> I agonized over this one, because it’s not the fluff and smut I usually write, although it does have a happy ending. Thanks to all my new friends on tumblr who talked me away from the delete key and convinced me this was worth sharing, before they even laid eyes on it! For them — and you — I am thankful! Please, let me know what you think.
> 
> PS: only the plot is mine. The wonderful characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC.

“You’re kidding, me, right?” Olivia asked as she locked her desk. “You’ve lived in New York your entire life and you’ve never gone to the Macy’s Parade?”

“I’m not,” he replied as he helped her put on her winter coat.

He was always so chivalrous. I guess that’s what you get when your boyfriend is over 40, she thought. _Boyfriend_. She both smiled and rolled her eyes at the word. That was a term for teenagers. She was almost 50 years old. _But what else to call him?_ He was more than a friend. They spent most nights together. Naked. _Friends with benefits?_ That suggested no emotional investment, which definitely wasn’t the case. They had been emotionally invested in each other long before they became lovers. _Lover then. That was a least a little more mature than boyfriend._ She chuckled, earning her a quizzically raised eyebrow.

“Are you laughing at me, Lieutenant?”

“No. At myself, actually,” she placed a hand on his cheek and leaned in to kiss him. He hummed appreciatively and tried to pull her into an embrace. “Huh-uh, counselor. I have pies to make. Why did I tell your mother I would bring pies? I haven’t made pie crust in years.”

Thanksgiving was the next day and both Lieutenant Olivia Benson and Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba were done working until Monday. She was using a half day of vacation that afternoon to bake the pies that would go with them to Lucia Barba’s house for dinner. He was planning on supervising and playing with Noah. She couldn’t believe he had never seen the parade in person. She went a few times as a child and had taken Noah every year since she adopted him. His favorite part was the giant balloons.

This was the first Thanksgiving she and Rafael would celebrate together and Olivia was looking forward to spending the day with him and Noah and having dinner at his mother’s. He was lounging against the counter watching her work -- _I don’t bake, remember?_ \-- while Noah played in the other room. She could see them doing this every year.

As she was rolled out pie crust, she made a suggestion, “Why don’t you come with us tomorrow?”

“Where? The parade?” She nodded, and a piece of flour-dusted hair flopped into her eyes. He reached over and pushed it behind her ear, and gently brushed some flour from her cheek with his thumb.

“It would be fun. The three of us together. I have a good spot. We stand in the same place every year,” she told him.

“Stand? Isn’t the parade three hours long?” He asked frowning and dipped a finger into the pumpkin filling. She smacked his hand away and poured the filling into a pie crust.

“It doesn’t seem that long. Really. Noah would love for you to come with us.” She smiled and stepped closer to him, sliding her arms around his waist. “You can keep me warm.”

“That does make it more appealing.” He kissed her, ignoring the fact she was getting flour on his shirt.

The next morning, the three of them made their way to Olivia’s preferred parade watching location. The weather was perfect. Cold but with plenty of sunshine. After a little while of watching the floats and marching bands and the giant balloons, Barba had to agree it was a fun experience. At least once anyway. But he was enjoying watching Noah and Olivia more than the parade itself. The delight on her face was one he didn’t see often enough given their line of work. He decided he needed to capture it with a photograph and let go of Noah’s hand to pull his phone from his pocket.

Olivia felt Noah slip his mittened hand out of her gloved one but didn’t think about it, knowing Barba had hold of his other one. A moment later, she looked down to her son to point out the next giant balloon that was headed their way.

“Noah, look —“ the word died on her lips when she realized he wasn’t standing there. She looked at Rafael who had his phone in his hands. “Where’s Noah? Is he on the other side of you?”

He looked at her, then to his other side, but the only person there was the teenager who had been standing near them the entire time.

“No. Isn’t he beside you?” He turned his head again to his other side, looking for the boy in the throngs of people lining the street.

“If he was I wouldn’t be asking you!” A small ball of panic was forming in her chest. _Where could he be?_ Olivia frantically looked around them; searching for a glimpse of his bright blue knitted hat. He was so small and there were so many people. So many children. Anyone could easily pick him up, walk away and no one would think otherwise. _No. He knows to yell and scream if someone tries to take him._

“I’m sure he’s here somewhere, Liv. It’s okay,” Barba tried to soothe her, as he continued to scan the crowd around them but inside he was concerned as well.

“It’s not okay. Don’t tell me it’s okay! Why weren’t you holding his hand? Oh, that’s right, you were on your phone!” She sneered, glaring at him. He opened his mouth to tell her he had been holding Noah’s hand and had just taken his phone out to photograph her when she spoke again.

“I know he’s not your son, Rafael,” she spat at him. “But you agreed to come with us today so the least you could do is help keep an eye on him!”

His green eyes hardened into chips of green glass. The only other time she’d seen his eyes look like that was the day he figured out she was in a relationship with Ed Tucker and he told her they were done talking.

“Rafa, I — “ He stopped her by holding up a gloved hand.

“Let’s find your son.” He said, emphasizing the last two words, his voice courtroom calm; belying his own emotions. “Do you have your badge?”

He knew she did, he saw her clip it onto her belt that morning, but he also knew the question would help her focus. She nodded, unbuttoning her coat and pulling it free. He took her arm, guided her through the crowds to the nearest uniformed officer and she realized what he wanted her to do.

“Officer, I’m Manhattan SVU Lieutenant Olivia Benson. My son is missing,” she identified herself and Barba heard the calm come back into her voice. “Can you inquire if a child identified himself as Noah Benson to an officer about not being able to find his parents?”

Olivia had taught Noah that if he got lost to go to the first uniformed officer he could find and identify himself. She was angry at herself for not remembering that, but glad that Barba had. She deliberately said parents, hoping Rafael would notice and realize she hadn’t meant the angry insults she’d hurled at him moments before. In all the time she’d had Noah he had never gone missing, even for a split second, and the words came out in a panic before she could even think about what she was saying. In her heart, she knew that in the near year that they’d been together he had come to consider Noah his son.

“Yes, ma’am. Right away.” The officer spoke into his radio. Olivia and Barba couldn’t hear the reply since it went into his earpiece, but saw him nod. “He’s with an officer near Herald Square. He’ll stay with him until you get there.”

Olivia’s knees nearly buckled with relief. Rafael felt her sway and put an arm around her waist.

“Thank you,” he told the officer. “Tell him we’ll be there as fast as we can.”

She turned and looked at him with glistening eyes. “He’s all right. He did what I told him to do,” she whispered. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly for a moment.

“He did. You have a smart boy. Let’s go find him,” he replied.

Herald Square was the end of the parade route and not that far from where they had been standing, but far enough they wondered how the child got there. Hand in hand, they slowly shouldered their way through the crowds. Barba spotted him first. Noah was seated atop the trunk of a squad car, chatting animatedly with the officer and eating a candy cane.

“There he is, Liv,” he said in her ear, so she could hear him over the parade noise.

“Mommy!” Noah waved his candy cane as they approached and he saw them. She swept him off the car and into her arms, holding him tightly, fighting back tears.

“Noah! Oh, my sweet, sweet boy! I’m so glad you’re okay!” She pressed kisses to his head. Barba swallowed down the lump that had formed in his throat and put his arms around the two of them for a moment, then pulled back and looked at the boy sternly.

“ _Amigo_ , why did you wander off?” he asked.

“I heard them say Santa was coming and I know he gets out of his sleigh at the store and I wanted to be the first one to see him to tell him what I want for Christmas.” Now that he was safely reunited with his mother, the thrill of hanging out with the police officer had worn off and the little boy realized what he’d done was a bad idea. His lower lip, sticky from the candy cane began to tremble. “I’m sorry.”

Olivia lowered the boy to the ground and crouched in front of him. She took her face in his hands and looked him in the eye.

“You were wrong to walk away from us, Noah. But I’m glad you remembered to do what I told you and went to a police officer.”

“I did! I found a police officer and told him I was Noah Benson and my mom is SVU Lieutenant Olivia Benson,” he told her proudly, perking up. “Can we go in the store now and wait for Santa?”

“No, Mommy has had enough parade for today,” Olivia told him. “We’ll bring you back another day to see Santa. There’s plenty of time to talk to him before Christmas. We need to get home and change clothes before we go to Miss Lucia’s for dinner.”

The three of them walked back to Olivia’s apartment, Noah telling them all the things he’d liked about the parade but the two adults were silent. Barba was still reeling from what she’d said to him. He knew she had been upset, but it really sounded as if she thought he didn’t care for the boy at all. He was hurt and pissed off.

He wasn’t the same man he’d been the first time she handed Noah to him and he didn’t know what to do, holding him at arm’s length as if he would break or explode. He wasn’t even the same as when they first started dating and he wasn’t exactly sure how to talk to him. In less than a year he’d taught the child some basic Spanish words and watched him a few times while Olivia worked. He was the one Noah requested read bedtime stories more often than not, and Rafael was the one who had gone to him a couple times when he’d woken in the night. _He may not be his son legally, but emotionally he damn well was._

For her part, Olivia spent the walk trying to figure out how to apologize to the man she loved. When they arrived back at the apartment, Barba stopped on the sidewalk.

“If you don’t mind, I’m not going to come up. I’ll meet you at my mother’s later. Can you two manage the pies?”

“Yes, we can.” She put her hand on his arm. “Listen, Rafael, about before.”

He shook his head. “Not now. Get Noah into the tub to warm him up and scrub all that candy cane off.” He offered her a small smile. “I’ll see you later. Bye, Noah.”

The boy had climbed the few steps up to the building entrance and was jumping back down, one at a time. Now he raised his hand. “Bye! You’re coming to Miss Lucia’s for turkey, right?”

“Of course I am, _amigo_. I’ll see you there in a little while. Help your mom with the pies, okay?”

“Okay.”

Barba’s green eyes met Olivia’s brown ones but she couldn’t read them. “Bye, Liv,” he said and turned to walk down the sidewalk. She pressed her lips together to keep from calling after him, because she knew he wasn’t going to talk about what he was feeling until he was ready. So she turned to Noah and urged him back up the steps and into the building.

A short while later they were ringing the bell at Lucia Barba’s home. Olivia had a pie in each hand, and Noah was holding the bouquet of flowers he insisted they buy for their hostess when they passed a street vendor on the way. Lucia opened the door with a smile.

“Happy Thanksgiving! Here, give me one of those pies. They look wonderful.” She kissed Olivia on the cheek and ushered them inside. Putting the pie down she turned to the boy holding out the flowers to her.

“Are these for me, _chico_?” Noah nodded. She took them from his grasp and kissed him on both cheeks. “Thank you, they’re lovely. Rafi used to bring me flowers when he was a teenager. Usually because he had done something wrong and didn’t want to get in trouble.” She laughed. “Speaking of my son, where is he? Not working, I hope?”

“No. I don’t think so, Lucia,” replied Olivia, helping Noah take off his coat. “He said he would meet us here.”

She met the other woman’s eyes and the elder knew something wasn’t right between her son and the woman he loved. But before she could ask, the door opened and Rafael entered.

“Speak of the devil,” she said. “Hello, Rafi. I was wondering where you were.”

“ _Hola, mami._ Happy Thanksgiving.” He smiled at his mother, but she saw it didn’t make it to his eyes. Yes, something was definitely wrong.

“Miss Lucia, I’m hungry! Is it time for turkey?” Noah asked.

“It probably is, _cariño_. Let’s go see.” She took the boy by the hand. “And you can help me put these flowers in some water as well.”

Dinner was strained. Lucia tried to keep conversation going and Rafael and Olivia spoke politely, but there was none of the loving banter, eye contact or touching she was accustomed to between them. Finally, she’d had enough. Giving Noah his slice of pie and settling him in front of a Christmas cartoon in the living room, she returned to the dining room and faced the couple, her hands on her hips.

“What is going on with you two? You arrived separately and have barely looked at each other the entire time.”

“I’m sorry, Lucia. You’re right. We haven’t been very good company. It’s my fault,” Olivia began. “Noah wandered off today at the parade and I, well, I accused Rafael of not watching him.”

“It was more than that, Liv, and you know it.” He spoke quietly, but his eyes flashed with anger. “You said, ‘I know he’s not your son,’ as if the fact that Noah and I don’t share DNA or even a legal name makes me care less about him or his welfare.”

“I didn’t mean it, Rafa. I was scared and angry and I wanted someone to blame. I know you care about Noah.” She stretched out her hand toward him on the table, wanting to touch him.

“Do you?” He stood and pulled a folded document from his inside jacket pocket and placed it on the table, along with a small box. “This morning, I was going to give both of these things to you tonight. But now I don’t know if you’d even want them.” He turned and left the room. Moments later, the two women heard the front door open and close.

Olivia looked at the items on the table. She knew without opening it the box contained a ring. The size and shape was unmistakable. She blinked back tears and reached for the paper. Unfolding it, she gasped. Lucia came to stand beside her and see what it was. It was a document to allow Rafael to adopt Noah. The older woman put a hand on Olivia’s shoulder.

“Go, _niña_. Go find him.”

Olivia nodded, unable to speak. Still clutching the paper, she picked up the ring box and rushed from the house, pulling her coat on as she went. The sidewalk was empty, but she saw a lone figure sitting on a bench in the park across the street where Lucia had taken Noah a few times. He heard her feet crunching through the leaves before she rounded the bench where he was seated, and his heart soared that she’d come after him. She sat down beside him and put a hand over his where it rested on his leg.

“We moved into that house when I was 13,” he said quietly. “I used to come over here when my parents would argue. Sometimes I’d climb up in a tree and watch the dads with their kids and wish I had a different father.

“When I became an adult I was afraid to have children because I thought I’d be like him. I didn’t want to be like him, but I didn’t think I would know how not to. I didn’t think I could be a different kind of father.

“But then I met you, and you adopted Noah and you weren’t the same kind of mother yours was and I knew I could be a different father. A good father.” Rafael swallowed hard to rid his throat of the lump that had grown there, because he needed to get this out. He turned on the bench to face her.

“Olivia, I love you. I love Noah. And to hear you suggest that because he’s not my flesh and blood son or even my adopted son, I didn’t care about what happened to him was, well, it was worse than the day you admitted you were sleeping with Tucker.”

“I know.” She squeezed his hand. “It was the only other time I’ve ever seen your eyes like that. I don’t ever want to see them look like that again. I am so sorry, Rafael. Can you forgive me?”

When he didn’t answer, she reached inside his suit jacket to where she knew his favorite gold pen would be in the pocket and took it out. He tipped his head, curious to what she was doing. Unfolding the paper she’d carried from the house, she smoothed it out on the bench between them and he watched as she put her signature on it. Once a judge signed it, Noah would be a Barba. Now only one thing remained. Putting the pen in her own pocket, she pulled out the ring box and held it out to him.

“Ask me.”

“What?”

“Ask me. I can’t ask you. I don’t have a ring for you,” she smiled a little cheekily.

“How do you know it’s a ring? Did you look?” He raised an eyebrow and she could see the warmth was returning to his eyes, which made her smile even more.

“No. But girls know a ring box when they see one. Now ask me. Unless you don’t want to anymore.” She pretended to pout a little.

“Oh, my love, _mi amor,_ you know better than that.” He plucked the small box from her hand and opened it to reveal a narrow gold band encircled with small diamonds that sparkled in the late afternoon light. “I didn’t think you would wear a diamond solitaire on duty, so I chose this instead.”

“It’s beautiful.”

Taking her hands in his, Barba said, “Olivia Benson, will you marry me and let me adopt Noah?”

“Yes, Rafael Barba, I will,” she replied and he slid the ring on her finger.

Then he pulled her into his arms and kissed her until she was breathless. Finally he said, “Shall we go make my mother’s Thanksgiving?” She nodded, smiling happily, and they walked back to the house their arms wrapped around each other


	9. Black Friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For thebarsondaily prompt: Black Friday
> 
> Set the day after A Barson Thanksgiving and inspired partly because I was dress shopping yesterday for my hubs’ company Christmas party. Unfortunately he wasn’t with me. ; )
> 
> Rated for all audiences.

A text appeared on the phone in Rafael’s hand, obscuring his third attempt at a level of Candy Crush.

_**Come here.** _

He looked toward the fitting room where his fiancée of a day had gone to try on dresses for the District Attorney’s office annual Christmas party. His phone vibrated again.

**_Please, Barba._ **

The last name. He was in trouble or something was wrong. He stood, pocketed his phone and made his way through the throngs of Black Friday shoppers.

“Liv?” he said quietly outside the doorway. She poked her head out of a fitting room and motioned for him to come closer. He frowned. This was a ladies’ fitting room.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Rafael come here!”

When he got within arm’s reach, she grabbed his hand, pulled him inside and closed the door.

“What’s wrong, Liv?”

“I’m stuck in this.”

She was wearing a blue cocktail dress and turned around to present him with her back where he could see fabric caught in the zipper, halfway undone. He gently released the fabric and pulled the zipper the rest of the way down. Olivia turned to face him and pulled the dress down off of her arms and let it puddle at her feet so she was standing in her bra and panties. Smiling coyly at him, she whispered,

“Have you ever…...in a fitting room?”

Stepping forward to trap her between him and the wall, he whispered just before he claimed her mouth, “There’s a first time for everything, _mi amor_.”


	10. After Something Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My version of what occurred after the end of “Something Happened”.
> 
> Rated T for language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am a romantic. If I can’t see it onscreen, I’m going to write it, darn it. And if you’re following along in this work you’ll see it’s all becoming interwoven. ‘Enchanted’ will catch up, eventually.

“Do it,” said the attorney through clenched teeth. He and Fin watched while Rollins and Carisi went into the interrogation room and escorted Laurel out. Olivia remained seated at the table, not moving.

The detective nodded toward the woman. “Been a long night for her,” he said and turned to follow the others down the hall.

As she sat there, the sun rose high enough to peek through the blinds at the windows opposite her. Olivia felt the warmth on her face and closed her eyes; the adrenaline that had kept her going all night giving way to exhaustion. She almost didn’t hear the door open behind her. Then she heard the click of expensive men’s dress shoes on the concrete floor and the familiar subtle smell of his cologne. Before she could open her eyes or turn her head, she felt his hands on her shoulders.

“She played me, Rafael.” The words were spoken so quietly he almost didn’t hear them. She repeated them, louder. “She fucking played me. I got pulled in and played by a fake victim.”

Olivia didn’t swear often, but when she did, she meant it. A small fire of anger was building in her toward the woman with whom she had spent almost 24 hours; talking to, comforting, sharing things about her own life. Making her shut out her team and the man she loved to try and solve the mystery.

Barba moved to stand beside her, keeping one hand on her shoulder, using his other hand to tip her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. Dark brown eyes looked into green and he saw the tiredness in hers. _We’re getting too old for this shit._

“She is a victim, Liv. Just not one you could help. She may have gone home with him because of her daddy issues, but she knew what she was doing when she stabbed that innocent man to death in his sleep.”

She sighed deeply, and stood up so they were eye to eye, wanting more than anything to melt into his embrace. They permitted themselves only the most casual, co-worker type touches in any of their work environs. Even when no one was around. They had discussed it at length and agreed if they allowed anything more when alone in either of their offices, then it would become habit enough they could slip up when others were there. It wasn’t like no one knew. All her detectives knew about them; so did Carmen and his mother. At work, however, there was an unspoken agreement that their relationship did not exist. Most days she was okay with that. Then there was days like the one she’d just had. He smiled that little half smile that he gave her alone, and she knew he felt the same way.

“Let’s get you home,” he said, taking her arm and steering her toward the door. “I think you’re allowed to take the day off, all things considered.”

He had so many things he wanted to say to her about the last almost 24 hours. But they could wait. He helped with her coat and held out the bag she’d dropped in her office the morning before. Then they walked outside where he hailed a cab. As he opened the door for her, she looked at him and spoke for the first time since her earlier statement.

“You’re coming, right?” It was a small, tired voice. It had been a long time since he’d heard her sound like that.

He slid in next to her and closed the door. In the privacy of the cab he put an arm around her and said, “Wild horses couldn’t prevent it, _mi amor._ ”

His preferred term of endearment was her undoing, and she turned her face into his shoulder and let the tears of anger and exhaustion flow. Putting his other arm around her, he stroked her back while the cab made its way through the morning traffic. But the time they reached her apartment her eyes were dry, and he held out his handkerchief to wipe her face, before they climbed out.

“Lucy already took Noah to school, but we can go get him if you want,” he offered.

She shook her head. She needed a shower and sleep, in that order. As much as she loved her son, she knew the second thing wouldn’t last long if he was home. Barba unlocked the apartment door and Olivia headed straight for the bedroom. By the time he joined her, she had stripped to her underwear and had water running in the shower. He smiled, picking up the clothes she’d dropped on the floor.

In the shower, she stood under the water, letting the heat relax the muscles in her shoulders and back. When she emerged from the bathroom, she crossed to the dresser and opened a jewelry box. Removing the ring Rafael had given her on Thanksgiving when he asked her to be his wife, she slipped it on her finger. Then she shed her robe and pulled on her favorite T-shirt that once belonged to him. As she was fluffing her damp hair, he appeared in the doorway.

“Ready for a nap?” he asked. He too, had changed out of the clothes he’d worn all night. “I let everyone know we won’t be back until tomorrow.”

He settled himself against the pillows on the bed and pulled her to lay beside him. Olivia put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. He picked up the hand that was wearing his ring and kissed it. They needed to disclose their relationship to the powers that be. Pulling a soft cover over the both of them, he held her close as she drifted to sleep.

 


	11. Piano Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT
> 
> Please turn back if this is not for you or you are underage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by one of my favorite scenes from "Pretty Woman" because I needed a reason to have Barba playing the piano. Thanks to all my tumblr friends for helping me decide what song he should play.

Olivia rolled over in the king-sized bed to find the other side empty. She frowned.

“Rafael?”

Getting no answer from the adjoining room of their hotel suite she pushed the covers back and climbed out of bed, pulling on the luxurious robe provided by the hotel. Pushing her hair back from her face, she blinked sleep from her eyes and looked at the clock. 3 a.m. She walked into the next room and found the television on with no volume. Clearly he hadn’t been able to sleep, but was no longer here. _Where could he be?_ His wallet was still there so he hadn’t left the hotel.

They ended a rough nearly month long trial the day before with a win and she had suggested they take a few days to unwind. He was reluctant, saying with all the weeks he’d put into that trial, other work had piled up but Liv insisted. Their relationship was still in its infancy and they hadn’t spent any time alone in weeks. Brief kisses and touches in passing were all they’d had and frankly, both of them were quite frustrated.

She thought when they got to the hotel they’d be tearing each other’s clothes off and having wild passionate sex. They checked into the spacious suite and ordered room service for dinner, with wine for her and scotch for him. However once their stomachs were full and their bodies relaxed, all they wanted to do was sleep and did so in each other’s arms. But now she was awake and missing the man who’d been asleep beside her.

Slipping the room key and her badge (out of habit) into the pocket of her robe, Olivia left the room and took the elevator down to the main floor. She checked the hotel gym first, then the indoor pool, sauna and hot tub. None of them yielded a green eyed lawyer. She was about to ask at the front desk if they had seen him when she heard music coming from the lounge. The bar was closed at this hour, but there was a single soft light on over the grand piano where a familiar figure sat.

She quietly approached and stopped far enough away to not give away her presence and watched; mesmerized as his long fingers moved over the ivory keys, coaxing out a melody that was vaguely familiar. His eyes were closed and he swayed with the music as he played. Another piece of the Rafael Barba puzzle was revealed to her and she smiled. A few more steps and she was close enough to place a hand on his shoulder. He knew she was there, having gotten a whiff of her perfume, and halted his playing.

“I didn’t know you played,” she said, turning so her back was to the keys and she was facing him. “It was lovely. What’s it called?”

“It’s from West Side Story; “One Hand, One Heart”.” She nodded. That’s why it was familiar.

“I woke up and you were gone,” Olivia said, taking a step sideways putting her between his legs. He was wearing his dress pants and shirt, partially buttoned and untucked. “I missed you.”

“Couldn’t sleep. Still have work on the brain.”

Rafael looked up at her standing before him, hair tousled and body relaxed and all thoughts of work fled and a wave of desire swept over him. It had been too long since they’d enjoyed each other’s bodies. He tugged at the belt on her robe, which fell open to reveal a short nightie that clung to her curves. He loved those curves and reached out his hands to her hips then slid them up to skim the sides of her full breasts through the satiny fabric. That bare touch made her nipples harden against the fabric and he spread out his fingers so the thumb on each hand grazed each peak. She dropped her head back with pleasure, and the robe slipped a bit off her shoulders.

Standing, he pressed his mouth to her exposed neck, kissing and nibbling his way to her earlobe. “Trust me?” he whispered, She nodded, wondering what he was thinking.

Moving his hands once again to her waist, and using the strength in the muscles he kept hidden beneath his stylish suits, Rafael lifted her to sit atop the piano, making her gasp with surprise. He pushed her back a little and took one leg and then the other, placing a bare foot on the piano keys, playing a few notes. Her eyes widened in surprise when he bent his head and kissed the top of one knee, then moved his mouth to the inside and up her thigh to the hem of her nightie. Raising just his eyes to meet hers, she saw they had darkened with passion. She licked her lips and bit the bottom one unconsciously.

“Liv,” he said in a whispered groan, and moved his mouth to her other knee and inner thigh, pushing the satiny fabric up a little higher with his head to kiss more of her soft skin and she realized what he intended. Her heart began to pound. It wasn’t like she hadn’t had the pleasure of his oral skills outside of the courtroom before, but here? Her eyes darted around the room. It was empty, and she heard no sounds from beyond the door.

Rafael pressed her knees a little farther apart and drew an audible breath when the bottom of the nightie moved high enough to reveal she wore no panties and could see the dark curls between her legs. Ghosting his fingertips on her outer thighs, he met her gaze once more and quirked an eyebrow at her in silent inquiry. She nodded briefly and reached out to caress his cheek before leaning back on the piano and bracing herself on her elbows.

Sliding his hands up her legs to grasp her hips and push the nightie up on her belly, he resumed his exploration of her inner thighs, first on one side and then the other, tracing patterns with his tongue. Olivia closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensations and the pleasure building inside her.

He kissed the crease of each leg and blew gently on the now damp curls, raising goosebumps on her legs and abdomen and making her shiver.

“Rafa,” she whispered, lifting her hips ever so slightly in a silent plea.

He granted her request by placing a chaste kiss on her labia, before sliding his tongue between them to taste the evidence of her arousal. She inhaled sharply, before letting it out in a breathy sigh and drawing out the word, “Yes.”

His tongue continued to work its way around as she wriggled her hips, waiting for him to reach the spot she was aching for him to touch. Finally, he reached the sensitive nub and her hips bucked reflexively, the muscles of her lower belly contracting. She watched the top of his head through hooded lids as he kissed, licked and sucked at her feminine flesh, drawing her closer to the edge.

Holding firm to her hips, Rafael could feel Olivia’s body tremble and heard her rapid breathing as his tongue circled her clit, and he lapped at her juices. He knew she was close. He moved his mouth to her inner thighs, nipping at the sensitive skin with his teeth, leaving small marks, that he soothed with his tongue. Hanging her head back, she shook it in disappointment of his mouth leaving where she wanted it most.

“Please, Rafael. Please,” she pleaded in a whisper.

“Please what, _mi amor_?” he asked equally softly.

“M-make me come,” she stuttered as he returned his mouth to her slit, and thrust his tongue inside her. “Please!”

Her hands were clutching the fabric of her robe as he increased the pressure and tempo with his tongue and pushed her closer and closer to climax. Then her legs tensed and notes chimed on the piano as her feet pressed on the keys and she went over the edge with a soft cry. He continued to lap at her until the sensitivity became unbearable, and she pushed at his head with her hand. Standing straight, he discreetly wiped his mouth on his cuff, reminding himself not to send this shirt to the dry cleaner but wash it at home, and waited a moment or two for her to come down from the high of her orgasm.

Finally opening her eyes, she looked into his green ones and held out a hand for him to help her sit up again. He pulled her upright, and helped her slide down to her feet, her backside striking a few more keys as she did so. She pressed her lips to his, tasting herself on them.

“How about we go back upstairs and I can return the favor,” she suggested, retying her robe. His response was to slip an arm around her waist and lead her toward the door and the elevators beyond.


	12. Three Day Weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia and Rafael get a tree and go Christmas shopping. Pretty much Christmas-y candy cane sweet fluff!
> 
> Rated for all readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally part of my Secret Santa project, but the Muse demanded it be pulled out and shared on its own. So here you go. Remember, in my little world -- song reference, haha! I amuse myself sometimes -- Sheila does not exist. 
> 
> As always, only the plot is mine. Everything else belongs to NBC.

Olivia had informed him they were getting a Christmas tree and finishing their shopping that weekend. No arguments or objections. “You’re not in the courtroom, Rafael,” she’d said.

Saturday morning of The Shopping Weekend as Rafael had dubbed it, dawned bright and cold. He wasn’t sure what to expect, as his Christmas shopping was typically done online by either him or Carmen. Amazon Prime was his best friend in December. Usually the only gift he ventured into a store to purchase was one for his mother. Olivia woke him with a cup of coffee and a kiss, warning him that Noah was up and getting dressed, so he’d better get going.

An hour later, bundled up against weather, the trio set out. Their first stop that day was for a Christmas tree. Olivia wanted to drive out of the city and go to a tree farm, but he put his foot down. Not this year, he said. So it was off to one of many lots that were selling trees. He watched with loving amusement as she fingered each tree, checking for freshness and asking when they had been cut and brought into the city. Probably Halloween, he scoffed silently. Finally, a decision was made and money exchanged hands.

“Liv,” he said quietly, “how are we going to get this home?” 

She rolled her eyes at the tree novice. “They deliver them,” she replied, filling out the form with her address and phone number.

Once tree procurement was crossed off the list, it was time for shopping. They helped Noah choose gifts for each of them, while the other browsed elsewhere. He picked out a colorful tie for Rafael, of course, and for his mother he decided on another snowglobe for on her desk. This one had a scene of a family decorating a Christmas tree inside. Then they all chose several gifts for Lucia, and got slices of pizza for lunch before heading back to the apartment for the tree delivery.

After the tree was wrestled through the door by the delivery men, Olivia directed him on the placement of the evergreen into the stand. He managed it with only a few swear words muttered in Spanish, wondering why the blasted things had to be so prickly. 

“Okay. it’s good,” she said finally, after it had been turned this way and that, to get the best possible presentation. He plopped down on the couch beside Noah, who had watched the proceedings with wide eyes. 

“You need to grow up,  _ amigo, _ so you can help with this,” Rafael told him.

They spent the rest of the day decorating the tree and bickering good naturedly about where ornaments should be placed. Finally, Rafael put Noah on his shoulders so the he could reach up and put the star in place on the top, while Olivia watched, blinking back tears of happiness.

 

******

 

After breakfast the next morning they took Noah to spend the day with Lucia so they could shop for the boy. Rafael insisted on going to the biggest toy store in the city, ignoring Olivia’s protests that it was too extravagant. She got to a see a new side of the man she loved, watching his eyes light up with childlike delight as he looked at the toys.

“Look at this train set, Liv! We should get Noah that,” he took her hand to draw her closer to a display.

“I don’t have room for that, Rafa,” she told him. Noah loved trains, but it was just too big for her apartment.

“He can keep it at my place. I was thinking about turning my office into a real room for him. I can move my desk into our bedroom.” His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her close to his side. Pressing a kiss to her cheek he spoke quietly in her ear, making her shiver. “I know we haven’t set a wedding date yet, but you should really consider moving in with me sooner than later. My place is bigger.”

He was right on both counts. His place was bigger than hers and they hadn’t yet discussed when they would get married; having only gotten engaged at Thanksgiving. She smiled at him. “If you’re going to make your office a bedroom for Noah, then I guess we can get him the train set.”

Rafael gave her a squeeze and grinned. “He’ll need the train table to go with it.” 

Olivia just rolled her eyes, knowing he had already made up his mind and it would be useless to argue. They left the toy store with both the train set and table purchased, along with some other toys. The train table was scheduled to be delivered to Rafael’s apartment, but they would wrap the train set for Noah to open Christmas morning.

For a few hours they parted in order to shop for each other, and met back up with tired feet and cramped fingers from holding shopping bags. Piling everything into the trunk of a cab, they slumped in the back seat for the ride back to Olivia’s apartment to deposit the gifts and then pick up Noah from Lucia’s.

That evening after the boy had been tucked in, the two of them sat on the couch with just the decorated tree for illumination. Rafael leaned in the corner with Liv between his legs, back against his chest. He rested his chin on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her waist. 

“You picked a good tree,  _ mi amor _ ,” he said, pressing a kiss to her neck. She tipped her head to the side to allow his lips more access to her sensitive flesh and hummed in combined agreement and pleasure. He kissed up to her earlobe and bit down gently with his teeth, making her gasp quietly. 

Then he said, “So I was thinking. Why don’t we turn this into a three day weekend? Take tomorrow off and spend it together while Noah’s at school.” 

She contemplated his suggestion, trying to push aside the thoughts his lips brought to mind. “That’s not a bad idea. We could get all the presents wrapped and be done. There have been years we’ve caught a case right before Christmas and I was wrapping Noah’s presents Christmas Eve after he went to bed.”

“Good. Because I already sent an email that we won’t be in.” She could feel him smiling against her neck. Turning in his arms, she gave him a playful smack on the shoulder.

“Know me that well, do you?” she asked, her eyes twinkling. He nodded smugly. “What am I thinking now?”

Rafael’s response was to kiss her passionately and she couldn't disagree, wondering how much wrapping they’d get the next day.


	13. 20 Buttons and two straps (part 1?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My Green, Green Dress inspired Barson fic. Pure fluff.
> 
> Rated for all readers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 will depend on if you all want to see what happened next. ; )

“You have been humming that song all day, Rafael. What is it?”

It was the end of the day Friday and Lieutenant Olivia Benson and Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba were headed home with nothing but the weekend ahead of them.

“It’s your fault, actually,” he replied. She raised her eyebrows. “You asked me to start cleaning out my apartment and I came across some old playbills. One of them was from a musical I saw years ago called ‘tick, tick, BOOM!’. It’s from that.”

“What’s the name of the song? It’s catchy.”

“Green Green Dress. I’ll play it for you tonight.”

“As long as you sing along.” She winked at him. Few people knew it, but her fiancé had an excellent voice and she loved listening to his sexy baritone.

That evening after Noah had been tucked into bed, Barba queued up the song on his phone. She wasn’t surprised he had it saved. The song spoke of a green velvet dress described as “a pleasure to unwrap”. Olivia saw how it could get stuck in your head. He played it a second time and sang along; singing to her, shimmying a little as he did so, making her smile. As the music faded, a thought began to form in her head.

It took a combination of internet searching, calls to dress shops, boutiques, second hand stores and even some help from her future mother in law, but Olivia found herself a green velvet dress. At the outset, she wasn’t even sure what style of dress she’d end up with, let alone when to wear it. But once it was in her hands, she knew the perfect event: the Mayor’s Gala. The gala was an annual event and both of them had attended before, but never together. In fact, this would be the first time that many people would see them together as a couple.

The day of the gala they took Noah to spend the night with Lucia Barba, to the delight of the both the child and his _abuela_ , as she had been calling herself since Rafael proposed. Then they had lunch together and Olivia sent him home while she went to get her nails done. He had asked several times what she was wearing and each time she told him it was a surprise.

At home that evening as she was fixing her hair into a soft updo with tendrils framing her face, he asked, “Suspenders, _mi amor_?”  She turned around to see him holding up a pair of black ones that would match his tuxedo.

“Rafa, you know I love you in suspenders. Why would you even ask? But how about a colorful pair?” She walked to the closet where his collection hung and chose a pair with an emerald green pattern. “Wear these. They match your eyes.”

Not about to deny his love, Barba buttoned the chosen suspenders inside the waist of his tuxedo trousers and slipped them over his shoulders then looked at her with a smirk.

“Is that what you’re wearing?” She was still in her silken robe. She smirked back.

“No. But I told you it was a surprise, so you have to leave while I get dressed.” She gave him a small push toward the bedroom door.

“Okay, okay. Not too long, though. I don’t want to make an entrance after everyone else has arrived.”

After he disappeared down the hallway, she went to the closet where she’d hidden her green dress. Every time she looked at it, she heard Rafael singing along with the song. It fit the song perfectly. It had exactly 20 buttons down the back. But it had two straps instead of one. _What dress has only one strap?_

Olivia rolled on black silk stockings before stepping into the dress. She’d tried it on before so she knew she was able to do up the buttons without assistance. Having to ask Rafael for help would have ruined the surprise. Smoothing the soft fabric, she looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. It fit as if it has been made for her.

“Liv, are you ready?” His voice came from down the hall.

“I’m coming.” She stepped into her shoes, spritzed on a little perfume and picked up her clutch and wrap and left the bedroom.

Barba heard her heels clicking on the hard floor and turned, wanting to finally see this dress that had been such a secret. He didn’t think it was possible for a person’s heart to stop and still be alive, but in that instant his did. Then he had to remind himself to take a breath, because Olivia Benson had taken his away.

She smiled and his heart resumed beating. He returned the smile before approaching her and saying, “So. A green, green dress _?”_ He removed her clutch and wrap from her and tossed them on the couch. Then he took her hands in his. “You are stunning. Simply stunning.”

The green velvet dress had a draped neckline held up only by thin straps over her bare shoulders. The fabric flowed like water over her curves and ended at the toes of her shoes. “Thank you,” she replied. “But you haven’t seen the back.”

He spun her, still holding one hand, as if on a dance floor. She heard his intake of air when he saw the row of buttons that ran from between her shoulder blades to the small of her back. Barba ran his free hand down them, caressing her back.

“Twenty buttons?”

“Exactly twenty.” He spun her back around and pulled her tight to his chest.

“Black silk stockings?” He whispered in her ear, before pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder, making her shiver.

“You’ll have to wait until after the gala to find out, counselor,” she said, meeting his green eyes with her brown ones.

“We have a little time.” He ghosted his finger tips down her arm, raising goosebumps and her pulse.

“You said you didn’t want to make an entrance,” she reminded him.  
  
“Oh, _querida_ , with you on my arm, we will make an entrance regardless of when we arrive.”


	14. Green Eyed Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I asked for suggestions on tumblr and got a request for a jealousy fic from jenn2390. I decided to go with Olivia getting jealous, because I don't think it's something that would typically happen. Enjoy.
> 
> Remember, my Spanish comes straight from Google translate, so I apologize if it's bad.
> 
> As always, the characters belong to NBC and Dick Wolf. Only the plot belongs to me.
> 
> This chapter is rated for all readers.

“Want to get away this weekend?”

Olivia looked up from the report she was reading to Rafael standing in the doorway of her office.

“I’m sorry. What’s that?”

“I said, do you want to get away this weekend? There’s this thing I have to go to at Harvard. I thought you might like to come with me,” he said, sitting down on her couch and spreading his arms across the back, revealing her favorite pair of suspenders under his suit jacket.

She was a little surprised. They’d been a couple for more than two months and although their relationship had evolved virtually overnight, going away together would be something new. _Why not?_ she thought. Being spontaneous wasn’t usually part of her nature, but it was how she ended up with Rafael. If she hadn’t thrown caution to the wind that night, he wouldn’t be sitting on her couch right now looking distractingly sexy, asking her to go away with him for the weekend. _No, he would always look distractingly sexy_. She smiled.

“Is that a yes?”

It was almost a four hour drive north to Cambridge. They left work at noon on Friday so they would get there in time to change before the cocktail event that evening. She was a little nervous about the weekend. Their relationship was still somewhat a secret and other than their first date, they hadn’t been out in public much as a couple. Most of their time alone was spent at her apartment. Of course, Cambridge, Massachusetts wasn’t exactly New York City. The odds of them running into people they knew were slim.

Once they arrived and checked into the hotel where he had booked a room, the pair took turns changing for the evening. Olivia packed the dress she’d bought for their first date, thinking it was dressy enough for a Harvard Law School cocktail party. Seeing Rafael’s eyes light up when she emerged from the bathroom helped calm some of the butterflies in her stomach.

“That dress brings back some memories,” he said smiling at her in the mirror where he was looking to finish the knot on his tie.

Resting her hand on his shoulder, she met his gaze in the glass, then kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you approve. I hoped this was all right.”

“ _Mi amor,_ it’s more than all right.” Rafael turned quickly and captured her lips with a fierce quick kiss. “I’ll be happy to show you later just how much. But right now we must go.”

The cocktail party was for ‘distinguished alumni’ who had been invited to speak the next day to seniors about how Harvard impacted their career successes. Olivia was both impressed and proud that Rafael was chosen. They walked through the doors and he was immediately greeted by former classmates.

“ _Rafael Barba!”_

_“I thought I heard you were coming to this!”_

_“Counselor, so you’re putting away the bad guys in Manhattan these days?”_

It went on like that for a while. Every time, he would introduce her: “I’d like you to meet Olivia Benson” or “This is Olivia Benson”. After a few times she realized that while Rafael had a possessive arm around her waist he wasn’t saying “my girlfriend”. She tried not to let it bother her. Excusing herself, she went in search of the ladies’ room.

In the mirror she inspected her image with a critical eye. It was rare she attended events like this but she thought she looked good in her dress and wasn’t showing her age too much. Her hairdresser kept the gray hairs hidden and she wasn’t so vain that the small lines around her eyes bothered her. The heels she wore made her taller than Rafael but he never seemed to mind. Freshening her lipstick, she gave herself a little smile and exited the room.

Olivia wove her way through the crowd, looking for her date. Hearing his familiar laugh she turned and came up short when she saw him. There was a broad smile on his face as he laughed at something the woman standing beside him had said. Blonde and petite, she came only to his shoulder in what looked like 4” heels. She had curves that made Olivia feel boyish and looked like she was in her mid 30’s, even though Olivia knew she had to be ten years older.

As she watched the woman place a small hand with long, lacquered nails on Rafael’s arm and smile up at him, a hot spiral of jealousy formed in her stomach and wound its way up through her chest, making her feel flushed. Now she laughed back at him and flipped her long hair over her shoulder. Olivia ground her teeth at the flirtatious movement.

Barba saw her approaching and smiled again; this time at her. He placed a hand in the small of her back and said, “Liv, I’d like you to meet Kate Thompson. Kate, this is Olivia Benson; the woman who drives me a little crazy.”

“Olivia, Rafi has told me so much about you!” said Kate, as the two women shook hands.

 _Rafi?_ Thought Olivia. She had only ever heard his mother call him that.

“Nice to meet you, Kate. Did you and Rafael go to school together?” Olivia shifted her weight so her body was touching his. She wanted to put her own arm around his waist under his suit jacket, but didn’t want to look like a lovesick teenager.

“We did. He taught me the wonders of Cuban coffee and I taught him how to craft the perfect legal brief.”

“I don’t know about that, Katie,” he chuckled. “The coffee, yes. But my briefs were always pretty perfect.”

They shared another laugh, as if there was an inside joke that Olivia wasn’t privy to. But as she watched them; him and this woman who had knowledge -- how intimate she didn’t know -- about a part of Rafael’s life long before she met him, that hot spiral of jealousy continued to burn within her. Suddenly, she needed some air.

“Kate, it was nice to meet you. Rafael, I’m going to step outside and get some air.” She kissed him on the cheek and turned, quickly making her way to the hallway of the venue. There was a door nearby that led outside to a small patio.

Even though it was mid-August, the evening had cooled and she filled her lungs with fresh air. Olivia wasn’t sure why she felt this way. Rafael had told her he loved her, and she loved him. But this Kate Thompson clearly was a part of his life about which she knew nothing. Not to mention she was everything Olivia wasn’t: short, petite, blonde with an hourglass figure and looked like she probably still got carded when she ordered a drink at a bar.

Olivia wrapped her arms around her waist, and paced the length of the patio. The clicking of her heels on the flagstone was loud enough she didn’t hear Rafael come out the door and approach her until she felt his hand on her arm.

“Olivia. _Mi amor._ Are you alright?” He rarely called her by her full name, so she knew he was concerned and that brought hot tears to her eyes. Without turning to face him, she said,

“I thought your mother was the only person who called you Rafi?”

“What?” He tugged on her arm, trying to get her to turn and look at him. So she whirled and words spilled out of her mouth.

“Who is Kate? Was she your girlfriend in law school? Is that why she calls you Rafi? Do you still keep in touch with her?”

“Whoa.” He leaned back from the volley of questions she spewed at him. Then he straightened and brought his other hand to grasp her other arm, so he was gently holding both of them. Her arms were still crossed at her waist as if she was trying to hold herself together.

“Where is this coming from? Why does it matter?”

“Why, Rafael? Why? Look at her! She’s everything I’m not: blonde, short --” she started to list all the things she’d just gone over in her head that seemed to make Kate more appealing than her.

“Olivia Benson, you’re jealous!” He interrupted as everything fell into place. Barba wanted to laugh at the idea of the head of Manhattan SVU being jealous, but he decided that was a bad idea. They’d laugh about it together when they were 85.

“Oh, _querida,_ you have no reason to be jealous of Kate. None at all.” Rafael ran his hands gently up and down her arms, trying to get her to relax them. “She was my best friend in law school. More like my sister than anything. She kept me sane. Made me take breaks from studying my brains out.”

As she listened to his words, she started to feel that spiral loosen and fade.

“Yes, we still keep in touch. Liv, Kate knew about you a long time ago. Even before you started to drive me a little crazy. And she was the first person I told about us. Once there was an us.” He felt her arms relax and he took her hands in his, holding them against his chest where she could feel his heart beating.

“ _Tu eres a quien amo. (You are the one I love.)_ The one I am in love with. There is no need to be jealous. Of anyone.”

Just that like that, the spiral was gone and she felt tired and foolish. She sighed and rested her forehead against his.

“I’m sorry, Rafael. It was stupid of me. I should have known better. Forgive me for acting like an ass? I need to apologize to Kate for running out like that.”

He pressed his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

“No need. She was the one who sent me after you.” He kissed her again, with more passion then gave her that little half smile. “I think I’ve socialized enough for tonight. How about we go back to the hotel and I can find out if you have the same thing under that dress as you did the first time you wore it?”


	15. Room Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to Piano Man. Plot? Not much. Smut? Lots and lots.
> 
> ********EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT********  
> Please do not continue if you are under 18 or prefer not to read such things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, what happened when Rafael and Olivia went back to their room so she could return the favor.
> 
> The characters belong to NBC and Dick Wolf. Only the smut is mine.

“How about we go back upstairs and I can return the favor,” she suggested, retying her robe. His response was to slip an arm around her waist and lead her toward the door and the elevators beyond.

Back in their suite, Olivia switched one lamp on low in the sitting room and turned off the television. Rafael started to walk into the bedroom, but she halted him with a soft, “No.” He stopped and turned back to her. “Stay here.“ She slipped off her robe and stepped closer to him. “But you’re overdressed.”

He toed off his shoes as she reached for his trousers and unfastened them, sliding the zipper down. He hadn’t bothered with a belt when he went downstairs, nor boxers, she discovered. Smiling, she let his pants fall to the floor so he could step out of them, leaving his shirt on but unbuttoned.Then she led him to an overstuffed chair and gave him a gentle shove to sit down.

Bringing Olivia to orgasm with his mouth downstairs had aroused him nearly to the point of discomfort which started to fade on the way back to their room, but he was still hard enough that it only took her touch to rekindle his erection. She knelt between his legs and stroked his hard length, his eyes darkening as he watched what she was doing. She loved the contrast between the softness of his skin and the hardness beneath. One more stroke and a drop of pre-cum appeared at the tip.

Olivia licked her lips and looked up at Rafael. “I need a taste,” she whispered. Surprised at the forwardness of her words, all he could do was nod.

She leaned over and licked tip of his shaft, tasting the saltiness. It made her mouth water. She needed more, so she took the head between her lips and ran her tongue around the bell edged bottom. Rafael dropped his head back against the chair as she then slowly lowered her head until her lips were almost touching the coarse hairs at the base of his cock and he was completely in her mouth. Just as slowly she pulled back and sucked on the head before taking him back in her mouth again, quicker this time.

He lifted his hips in a silent request for more, so she slid her hands under the ass that she admired daily in the tailored trousers he wore to work, and held it firmly as she sucked once, twice, three times and heard a moan that made Olivia’s lips curve in a smile around his hardness.

“Liiiiiivvvvvv,” he drew her name out.

Sometimes it really was fun being in control. But she knew that too much of that would make him come faster than she wanted. Olivia swirled her tongue around the head again keeping hold of Rafael’s ass. She abandoned his cock and moved to his balls, lapping at them, drawing her teeth across them lightly, feeling them tighten up and making him pant a breath.

She looked up at the man she loved from her position between his legs and saw he was watching her through half closed eyes. Olivia moved her tongue and teeth to his inner thighs, licking and biting. Rafael tensed his legs and lifted his hips again, so she kissed her way back to his balls, giving them more attention this time, drawing them into her mouth as they pulled up even more.

Running her tongue up the underside of his length, she stopped as her lips reached the tip. He raised his hips again, but Olivia pulled her head back a little, denying contact with her mouth. Instead she blew gently, cooling his flesh. His cock jumped and she took pity and placed her warm wet mouth around its length, eliciting another groan from him, yet he kept his eyes open.  
  
“Rafa, I need you inside me,” she whispered, not able to take it anymore. Between the action of her lips on his length and his reactions, she was more than ready for him.

Putting her hands on his knees, she pushed herself up from the floor. He leaned forward and put his hands to her waist, helping her stand on wobbly legs. Then he moved forward in the chair, making it easier for her to sit on his lap, her feet flat on the floor. For a moment, they rested like this, her arms around his shoulders, looking into each others eyes. It was times like these Olivia wondered why it took them so long to acknowledge their feelings, because when she gazed into those green eyes she saw all the love, trust and desire she had for him reflecting back at her.

Rafael reached for the hem of the satin nightie she was still wearing, and lifted it straight up over her head, revealing her breasts to him. He bent his head to capture one nipple in his mouth and she threw her head back with pleasure as he moved his tongue in circles on it. Lifting herself up, she positioned her entrance over his length and slowly impaled herself until he filled her completely.

“ _Dios,_ you feel so good!” They were the first words he’d spoken since the two of them had returned to the room. “I’m not going to last very long.”

Pushing his shirt from his shoulders, Olivia bent her head and kissed his neck, biting down on his shoulder as he thrust his hips up. Planting her feet on the floor for leverage, she rode him with a rhythm that had them both quickly breathing hard; him holding onto her hips and her clinging to his shoulders.

Just as she thought she was about to come, Rafael stood and quickly reversed them so she was pushed into the overstuffed chair with her legs wrapped around his waist, giving him control. The change in position was all it took. Two powerful thrusts and they both went over the edge, gasping out each others’ names.


	16. Missing scene from "Intent"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something that I thought was missing from "Intent".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work was slow this afternoon and I was counting the hours until tonight's episode and got to thinking about what Barba said to her about being on mom duty. It struck me as a very intimate thing to say the first time I saw it. It's like something my husband would say to me if he assumed I was with the kids and then I suddenly turned up where he was. So here's my take on what we didn't see.
> 
> As always these characters don't belong to me. Just the situations I put them in.

“Shouldn’t you be on mom duty?” Rafael asked, a little surprised as Olivia dropped onto the bar stool next to him.

“ _Grandma_ Sheila is taking him to the movies and for pizza,” she replied, completing the action she’d started on her phone.

“He’s a lucky kid,” he declared, and she nodded her head in agreement.

They chatted about the current case for a few moments, until Carisi appeared with new evidence that proved the defendant’s actions were done with criminal intent. Once the detective left, Olivia turned to the lawyer beside her and said quietly,

“You know, Noah should be with Sheila for at least another two hours.”

“Lieutenant Benson, are you suggesting we take our conversation about this case somewhere else?” He quirked an eyebrow at her, speaking just as softly.

She lifted one shoulder in a brief shrug and swiveled on the bar stool so her knee just barely brushed against his.  It was a gesture no one would have noticed unless they were looking for it.

“If you want to.”

“Sure.” He pulled some bills from his wallet and put them down on the bar to cover his tab.

She slid off the stool and waited for him to put the legal pad and gold pen back in his briefcase and pick up his suit jacket that had been on the seat beside him. Rafael allowed her to exit the restaurant ahead of him, his hand gentlemanly resting on the small of her back. Outside, Oliva pointed to an Uber that was waiting at the curb, walked over to open the door and slid over on the seat so he could get in beside her.

Because they could still be seen through the windows of the car, Rafael limited his physical contact with her to threading his fingers with hers and resting their hands on his leg. She smiled and leaned her shoulder so it was touching his. After the short ride to her apartment, they exited the car, looking every bit the police lieutenant and ADA going inside to discuss a case, like they frequently did.

No one knew that once the apartment door closed behind them, clothing would be shed on the way to her bedroom where kisses would be pressed to skin hot with longing until they couldn’t wait any longer to join as one; after which they would snuggle in the bed, sharing a bowl of ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS is what happens to all the ice cream in the Benson household. And she tries to blame it on Noah!


	17. Baby it's Cold Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really cold in NYC and no one wants to go to work. Pure unadulterated fluff with a little innuendo. Some Barson, some Rollisi and a little Carhola just for fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the colder than a witches t*t temperature it was in my hometown today. School was cancelled, my hubs worked from home and I was the only person who had to get up and leave the house.

Downtown New York City didn’t usually get as cold as the outlying areas. But once in a while, frigid air would creep its icy fingers between the tall buildings. Such was the case that morning.

Olivia’s phone buzzed around 4:30 a.m. with the notification that Noah’s school was closed. When it sounded again with her alarm an hour later, she turned it off and touched the icon for the weather app. It said the temperature was 1℉ but it felt like -19℉. She groaned.

“What’s wrong, _mi amor?”_ Rafael’s breath was warm on her back, as he was spooned behind her with his arm wrapped around her waist.

She lifted her arm further from the warm cocoon of blankets and turned the screen so he could see it. “Look at this.”

He opened one eye and made a noise of disgust. “That’s damn cold.”

It was days like this when he half-wished his mother had moved them back to Miami when he was a child. But then he’d never have met the woman laying beside him and the curly haired child sleeping down the hall.

“I know.” She shivered and pulled the covers up higher over her shoulder. Even though the heat was on, the apartment was chilly. They lay there for a while more, snuggled together and she thought he’d gone back to sleep from the sound of his even breathing.

“Rafa? Are you awake?” she asked.

“Mmm-hmmm,” he replied, pushing some of her hair out of the way with his nose and pressing a kiss to the back of her neck.

“I had a thought,” she began and chuckled when the hand at her waist started to slide under the tank top she wore and he pressed his morning arousal against her. “Not that thought.”

“Oh.” He started to pull his hand away, but she held it in place as she rolled onto her back to look at him.

“I like that thought, but the one I had was why don’t we just stay home today? It’s too cold to go anywhere. I’ll text Fin that I’m taking a day. It’s not like I don’t have enough saved up. You don’t have court today, right?”

“That sounds like a very good idea, and no I don’t. I have some briefs I have to work on, but I can do that from here.” His hand resumed its movement under her top as he rolled on top of her. “Now about that other thought.”  


 

Across the city, a similar conversation was taking place at Amanda Rollins’ apartment in the predawn hour. Jesse wasn’t in school yet, but her daycare had closed because of the cold. Amanda had already gotten up, changed the two year old’s nighttime diaper, offered her a sippy cup of milk and told her it wasn’t time to get up just yet and returned her to the crib. Still sleepy enough to acquiesce, the toddler lay back down with her blanket in her fuzzy, footed sleeper. Her mother walked quickly back to her bedroom, the hard floor cold under her bare feet and jumped back into bed. Pulling the covers up, she pressed her toes against the warm leg next to her, making its owner jump.

“Jesus, Rollins! Your feet are like ice!” exclaimed Sonny Carisi, pulling his legs away from hers.

“Yeah, well the floor is cold, and I think Frannie stole my slippers again,” she retorted, scooting closer, wrapping her arms around his torso and her legs around his long ones. He was always toasty warm, even bare chested.

“Hell, all of you is cold,” he said, adjusting their position so he could put his arms around her as well. “Didn’t you put a robe on?”

“Couldn’t find it.” She pressed her cold nose to his shoulder. “I wonder how cold it is outside?”

He lifted his arm to touch his Apple watch. “It says the feels like temperature is minus 19.”

“Lordy, that’s too cold,” Amanda said, shivering. Her southern blood still wasn’t completely adjusted to New York winters. “Let’s just stay home today. Daycare is closed. One of us would have to stay home anyway.”

“I dunno’. How’s that gonna’ look? Both of us calling off on the same day?” He worried that someone was going to figure out about their relationship, because so far they had managed to keep it private; something that wasn’t as easy as it was for Benson and Barba, since they worked in the same office.

“Sonny, everyone who needs to know, knows; and they’re okay with it,” she assured him, pushing up on her elbow, and pressing kisses on his chest. “A new season of The Bachelor started this week and it’s on the DVR. We can watch it while Jesse has her nap this afternoon.”

“Yeah?” he sounded more interested. “Do we have everything I need to make bolognese for dinner?”

Amanda swung a leg over his so she was straddling his, resting her chest against his.

“I think so.” She combed his hair back off his forehead with her fingers, and pressed her lips to his.

Carisi grabbed her by the hips to let her know he was interested in more than watching reality tv and making spaghetti sauce.

“How long til Jesse wakes up?” he asked before claiming her mouth.  


 

Mid-morning, Rita Calhoun walked into the 16th Precinct squad room, her heels clicking on the floor. Fin Tutuola picked up his head from the report he was reading.

“Detective, I’m looking for Barba,” she said, ever the picture of fashion, even in sub zero temperatures. “He’s not in his office.”

“He ain’t here. No one’s here ‘cept me,” he spread his arms out wide and grinned at her.

“Really?” She stepped closer to his desk, and pulled off her leather gloves, finger by finger. “So we’re all alone?”

“Yep.”

Now she unbuttoned her fur trimmed winter coat and shrugged it off, revealing what he assumed was a cashmere sweater and a straight skirt, both of which hugged her curves. Dropping it on the chair beside his desk, she perched on the edge of it where he sat and leaned over to whisper in his ear,

“So shall we see how comfortable Benson’s couch is?”

 


	18. Post ep "Gone Baby Gone"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My take on what happened after the squad went home following the final scene of "Gone Baby Gone".
> 
> As always, the characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noah was taken on December 6 -- in my little Barson World, they got engaged on Thanksgiving. No one knows yet. They are still VERY careful about showing affection in public and around their offices.
> 
> I'm not completely happy with this, but I need to move on so this is what you get. I have another one started that follows canon. I don't know if that will ever be finished because I was even less happy with that one.

Her family had gone. First Rollins with Carisi, carrying little Jesse who had fallen asleep on his lap. Then Fin, ever the big brother, who had hugged her and said to take as much time off as she needed. Noah was tucked in and asleep, clutching Eddie in his arms. Rafael had to gently pull her out of his room just as he had the two nights prior. She would have stayed and watch him sleep otherwise.

Now he and Olivia were sitting on the couch, his arm was across the back of the cushions and she was curled up beside him, her head on his shoulder. As usual, there was no need for words between them. She was grateful for his presence in her life. His love, his support. Suddenly she picked up her head and looked at him.

“Did you really ask if you could get me coffee the other day or did I imagine it?”

 

_That day. That horrible, horrible day when Noah disappeared seemingly into thin air. Before they learned it was all Sheila’s doing, he had come into the precinct to find out what the hell was going on, wondering how on earth he was going be able to keep from touching her. Comforting her. He’d been in his office when he got her call._

_“Rafa, Noah’s missing!”_

_“What?”_

_“He was at the mall with Sheila, getting a new coat and -- and someone took him! We found the coat in a trash can and have video of him getting into a car.” He heard the quiver in her voice and knew she was barely holding it together. “I need you.”_

_“I’ll be right there, mi amor.”_

_On his way to the precinct he flashed back to two weeks prior when Noah walked away from them at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade because he wanted to get to the store and be the first one to see Santa. He got lost in the crowd and had the presence of mind to do as he’d been taught and go to a uniformed officer so they found him in less than ten minutes.  He wished this could be as easily remedied._

_When he arrived at the precinct he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms. He could see she wanted it too. But they hadn’t yet disclosed their relationship or the fact they’d gotten engaged on Thanksgiving. She met his eyes and, trying to maintain their professional facade said, “Don’t tell me it’s going to be okay.”_

_After hearing Rollins tell him with as many years Olivia had on the job, the probability of it being related to that was high, he followed her into her office, a muttered curse on his lips. She stood with her back to the window behind her desk and told him how she now realized how ridiculous it was to tell parents to stay calm. He could see the panic he felt in his chest reflected in her eyes and felt utterly helpless._

_“I don’t know what to do,” he told her and then blurted the next thing that came to mind. “Um, do you want some coffee?”_

_It was the first he’d spoken to her since arriving and his voice was her undoing. Her knees buckled and she sobbed, “I just want my son!”_

_Without thinking, he dove to prevent her from falling and pulled her into his arms. He didn’t care who saw them. All that mattered was the woman he loved. For a moment she allowed her head to rest on his shoulder. In that split second, nothing else existed but the two of them. She felt the roughness of his wool overcoat against her cheek, smelled the familiar scent of his cologne and relaxed into the strength of his arms. Then she straightened and pushed her hair from her face. He offered his handkerchief and she wiped her face, holding it to her nose when she realized it too, smelled like him. Without thinking she had pocketed it and on the flight to New Hampshire, rediscovered it. She’d held it to her face again then, inhaling his scent, drawing strength from it and wishing he was there beside her._

 

“What? Yeah, I guess I did.” He grinned sheepishly at her. She smiled back at him and then they both burst out laughing. It felt good to laugh after everything they’d been through the last few days.

“Coffee cures all for Rafael Barba, right?” she said finally. Then, “What?” His expression had turned serious and his green eyes pensive when their laughter stopped.

He chewed his lip for a moment, choosing his words carefully.

“I want to disclose. Tomorrow.” He reached over and took hold of her left hand where her engagement ring rested. She had slipped it on once it was just the two of them.  He raised it to his lips and kissed her fingers. “I want you to wear this all day, every day. I want people to see it and know that you’re taken. That you belong to me.

“If that’s selfish, then so be it. I think I said that stupid thing about coffee because I was terrified and helpless and I couldn’t do and say what I really wanted. The moment I saw you I wanted to put my arms around you. I wanted to kiss you and tell you I loved you. I wanted to go with you to New Hampshire and hold your hand on the plane and tell you it would be okay.

“But I couldn’t.” He shook his head a little angrily. “All I could do was sit here and wait for you to text me and tell me you’d found Noah and that he was safe. I don’t want to do that anymore, Liv.”

He reached out and cupped her face with his hand. She leaned into his palm and then turned her head to kiss it.

“I don’t want to do that anymore, either, Rafael. Tomorrow,” she promised. “We disclose.”


	19. 35 More Years to Squabble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Olivia's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I heard today was Mariska's birthday, I got to thinking about Olivia and how she felt about getting older. I hope you enjoy this.
> 
> As always, these character aren't mine. I only get to play with them because of NBC and Dick Wolf.

Olivia woke and lay there, spooned against Rafael’s chest, his arm around her waist. He was snoring softly. The blue numbers of the clock told her it was a little after 4 a.m. She wondered what had woken her. She didn’t hear Noah. Then she felt the wetness between her thighs and her mouth opened in a silent, “No.”

Extricating herself from her husband’s arms took some work, because even in sleep, if she tried to move away, he pulled her closer. After a moment she was able to slide from the bed and make her way to the bathroom. She closed the door quietly and flicked the switch, blinking at the harshness of the lights that illuminated the room. She placed a hand on her abdomen and whispered, “Please.”

Pulling down the underpants she wore along with a tank top for sleeping, she sat down on the toilet seat and gazed at the red stain on them. A lump gathered in her throat. Her period had been late. Not just a couple of days late. But almost three weeks late. That was unusual for her, given the fact she took birth control pills. After the first week went by, she realized she’d missed a few doses. There had been a couple of all-day and all-night cases where she felt lucky to have gotten a chance to pee and eat a sandwich, let alone remember to take her pill.

Olivia knew at 50 the chances of actually getting pregnant, let alone carry a baby to term were slim. Her doctor had brought it up at her last annual appointment, knowing she was engaged. Her eggs were old, he’d told her bluntly. But when the second week passed with no sign of Aunt Flo, a small flame lit inside her and she allowed herself to entertain some fantasies about actually having a child with Rafael. He was younger than her by a few years, and while they’d never discussed it, as much as he considered Noah his son, she suspected he’d love to have a child of his own.

Today was her birthday and she knew he’d made reservations for dinner. She had purchased a pregnancy test the day before, planning on taking it this morning; clinging to that little spark of hope that it might actually come up positive. If that was case, she was going to tell him that night. Now all of those dreams had disappeared as surely as the shadows in the room she sat had been chased away by the bright lights overhead. Swallowing the lump of disappointment she cleaned up, willing herself not to cry as she opened the cabinet beneath the sink for the box of tampons. It had been silly to even get her hopes up. She knew better.

After rinsing her underwear, Olivia wrung them out and placed them in the hamper, making a mental note to do a load of laundry later that day. Turning off the lights, she opened the bathroom door and walked quietly to her dresser for a clean pair of underwear and an old pair of exercise shorts. Once they were on, she climbed back in bed. Rafael had rolled over so she curled up against his back, one arm around his waist and her legs spooned with his. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on his even breathing and warmth from his body and eventually fell back to sleep.

Not quite two hours later, they both woke at about the same time. They had moved apart but after opening his eyes and seeing his wife awake and looking at him Rafael said,

“ _Feliz cumpleaños_ \-- Happy Birthday, _mi amor_.”

He moved closer, kissed her cheek and touched her leg, moving his hand up her thigh toward her hip. When he encountered the shorts, he knew from experience why she had them on.

“So you got a gift already. No birthday sex for you, then, hmmmm?” he teased and was surprised when she scowled at him.

“No, Rafa. No birthday sex for me,” she declared, throwing back the covers and stalking into the bathroom. The only reason she didn’t slam the door behind her was because she didn’t want to wake Noah. Wrenching on the shower faucets, Olivia stripped off her clothes and stepped under the spray, letting the hot water pound on her. Only then did she allow herself to cry.

She had woken moments before him, and lay there gazing at the sleeping face of the man she loved with all her heart. The heart that was breaking because she’d foolishly allowed herself to entertain an idea she had accepted long ago wasn’t going to happen. When she hit 40 and wasn’t married or even involved in a serious relationship, she’d had a my-biological-clock-is-ticking meltdown one day. Elliot found her sobbing in the cribs. He’d held her and let her cry. Then he’d taken her home with him and left her alone with Kathy and two bottles of wine. By the time he took her back to her apartment, she had made peace with the fact that she didn’t have to have a child to be happy. Then fate (and Judge Linden) intervened and suddenly she had one. Noah. And it didn’t matter that her belly would never grow large with child or her breasts fill with milk. Until the last three weeks.

Sinking down to the shower floor, she leaned against the wall and sobbed against her bent knees. Outside the door, Rafael listened with concern. The sounds of the water and the exhaust fan didn’t completely muffle the sounds of her crying. He couldn’t imagine what had his bride so upset. Today was her birthday and while it was a milestone one, Olivia had never struck him as the kind of woman who was bothered by aging. If anything, she was more beautiful and vibrant than she’d been when they first met. She always joked that Noah kept her young. The subject of that thought entered the room just then.

“Morning, _mijo_ ,” said Rafael, hoping the boy couldn’t hear the sounds from the other side of the bathroom door, although they seemed to have stopped.

“I thought we were going to make Momma breakfast in bed for her birthday?” the boy asked, noticing the man was alone in the room.

“She got in the shower before I got up,” Rafael fibbed. “Let’s go start the coffee. We can still make her breakfast. I don’t have to be in court this morning.” 

As he led the boy to the kitchen, he was thinking he might take the day the whole day off to spend with his wife who he knew was taking a comp day. A little while later, Olivia emerged from the bedroom dressed in jeans and a sweater to find a place set for her at the kitchen table complete with a glass of orange juice in one of their crystal flutes and a card drawn by Noah on the plate.

“Is this for me?” she asked, smiling at her son and then husband, who noticed that it was a little forced.

“Happy Birthday, Momma!” said Noah, throwing his arms around her waist. She returned the embrace, a little tighter and longer than usual until he squirmed to be let go, another thing that wasn’t missed by the sharp-eyed attorney.

“Thank you, sweet boy.” She picked up the card and dutifully admired the artwork on the outside -- robots -- and on the inside where he had drawn a birthday cake.

“I only put a few candles on the cake. I didn’t know how many you should have.”

Rafael pulled out the chair for her to sit and said, “ _Mijo_ , come help me carry the food.”

After breakfast he said, “I’ll get a quick shower and walk Noah to school.”

“No,” she replied, “I’ll take him. I’m in the mood for a walk.”

When she returned she found the breakfast dishes cleaned up and him dressed as casually as she, seated at the table with his laptop open in front of him.

“I know you don’t have court this morning, but don’t you have to go in to the office?” she asked.

He shook his head briefly. “I can work from here. It’s your birthday. I thought I’d spend the day with you.”

“You don’t have to do that, Rafa.” She sat down on the couch and unfolded the newspaper she’d carried in with her. He knew she wasn’t reading it because she hadn’t put on her glasses. She was using the paper to avoid talking to him. He watched her for a moment, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. Then he closed the computer and went to sit beside her.

“Liv. I know you’re not reading that, _mi amor_. You can’t read the paper without your glasses.”

She closed the paper with a loud crinkle, not bothering to fold it properly and looked at him with pursed lips before she replied, “Right. Because I’m old. I’m so old Noah didn’t know how many candles to draw in my card.”

Her husband barked a laugh. “He didn’t know because he’s a child. Children don’t know how old their parents are.”

“Okay. Let’s go with that.”

“Hey.” Rafael reached out and put a hand on her shoulder and slid it down her arm. “What’s going on? You’ve never had a problem with your birthday before.” She avoided his eyes, so he continued gently.

“I heard you crying in the shower, Liv. The only reason I didn’t charge into the bathroom was because Noah got up. Tell me what’s wrong. Please. Did I do something?” He wracked his brain to recall if there was something he’d done -- or not done -- recently that could have upset her.

Olivia sighed. She had to tell him. He was her best friend. He was her best friend before he was her lover and husband. Raising her brown eyes to meet his green she spoke quietly.

“I forgot to take my pill a few times last month. I was more than two weeks late. I thought I was pregnant. I bought test that I was going to take this morning and tell you tonight if it was postive. Only --” She lifted a shoulder.

“Only you didn’t need to,” Rafael finished for her and she shook her head, tears glistening in her eyes. He gathered her into his arms, and she pressed her face into the crook of his neck and took a deep breath. He smelled of his soap and shampoo.

“I’m sorry, Rafa,” she said, her voice muffled. “I thought briefly…..I hoped….. maybe I could give you a baby of your own.”

He stroked her hair for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Then he pressed a kiss to her hair and put her away from his chest to look at her.

“Olivia. _Mi amor._ My love. I don’t need to you to give me a baby. I have a son. If he is the only child we ever have, I’ll die happy. I doesn’t matter to me that he wasn’t born from your body.” He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. She returned the gesture, grasping his sweater in her hands to pull him closer and kissed him between her words, her heart having lightened with each of his previous sentences.

“I love you.” _Kiss_ . “So much.” _Kiss_ . “I just felt like I was failing you. Being too old.” _Kiss_

“You could never fail me, _querida_. And stop saying you’re old. I happen to prefer a more mature woman,” he said, giving her a cheeky grin.

There it was. The cocky, smart ass Barba that she’d fallen in love with. They had at least 35 more years of squabbling ahead of them and she was going to enjoy every minute.


	20. Just A Bad Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benson has a nightmare. Barba comforts her but has something he needs to get off his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read adrianna_m_scovill‘s one shot about Benson arresting Barba in the middle of the night because I’m an email junkie and check my phone when I wake up. But I was half awake and it traumatized me — seriously, I was almost in tears and had to snuggle up to my snoring hubby to feel better because it felt like it was a bad dream. 
> 
> When I woke up in the morning I had this thought that what if it really was a bad dream that Benson had? So this is what I came up with. It also allowed me to use an unfinished Pathological post ep I had to write because of him in just suspenders and that white shirt the night he and Benson were in her apartment.......
> 
> As always only the plot is mine, even though the wonderful SVU writers provide the prompts.

Olivia woke with a start, her heart racing. She lay there for a moment, breathing hard like she’d just chased down a perp. Opening her eyes, she took in the familiar surroundings of her bedroom in the predawn dimness. The dream came back with frightening clarity.

Barba’s office.

Her and Amanda.

Handcuffs.

Being ordered by………….. Dodds.

to Mirandize………..

Rafael!

She sat up straight in bed, the movement waking the man beside her.

“Liv? What’s wrong? Is it Noah?” asked the central figure in her dream, rolling over.

“No, no,” she assured him. “I - I had a dream.”

He reached over to rub her back soothingly, only to withdraw his hand when he encountered her t-shirt soaked with cold sweat. Now he was completely awake as well.

“Olivia, you’re soaked! _Dios_ , what was the dream about? Lewis? Sheila? Take that off and come here.” Rafael sat up as well and tugged on her shirt to help her remove it. Then he pulled his own off and helped her put it on. Laying back down he drew her to him, cradling her in his arms, her head on his bare shoulder.

She sighed as the warmth from his body transferred to hers, soothing away the goosebumps that had formed from both cold and the dream. Throwing a leg over his and an arm across his chest, she snuggled into him and shook her head.

“No. Neither one.”

“Then what, _mi amor_?” He stroked her hair.

“It was about you, Rafa.”

“Me? What, did I deny you a warrant?” he teased, chuckling, now rubbing her back. When she hesitated, his hand halted. “No? Tell me.”

“We were in your office. You, me, Rollins and Dodds. I don’t know what you did. Don’t remember in any case. But I had to...I had to arrest you, Rafael. Dodds made me handcuff you and read you your rights. I didn’t want to -- could hardly say the words and you didn’t let me finish; you waived them.” She paused and felt him draw in a breath. “We, I walked you out of your office in cuffs, down to a squad car. When I closed the door is when I woke up.” She shuddered.

He tightened his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her hair, but didn’t speak. Barba wondered if his guilty conscience was spilling over into his fiancée’s subconscious somehow. He hadn’t told her what he’d done with the Mariel McLaughlin case. He wasn’t even sure if she suspected. As far as she was concerned she had absolute faith in his humanity. He wasn’t as sure. The last few cases had certainly tested him. Tested his beliefs in the justice system, and as he told her recently, his moral compass.

Rafael felt her start to relax against him and as much as he hated to, he needed to tell her what he’d done. They were going to be married. This wasn’t the time to be keeping secrets.

“Liv,” he began. “I need to tell you something.”

She looked up at him, his features barely discernible in the dark room; the only light coming from the hallway where a low lamp burned in case Noah got up at night. But Olivia didn’t need light to tell he had something serious on his mind. She could hear it in his voice. Rubbing her hand across his bare chest, combing the hair with her fingers, she said,

“What is it, Rafa? What’s wrong?”

“Remember Mariel McLaughlin? When I inadvertently spoke about her potential sentence in front of some jurors?”

“I remember,” her tone encouraged him to continue.

“It wasn’t inadvertent, Liv. I couldn’t let that little girl go to jail. She’d already lost enough of her life thanks to her mother. I had to do something.”

As he spoke it was as if a weight was lifted from his heart. He couldn’t have told her what he planned to do ahead of time. Then she would have been culpable as well. He didn’t want her to have to lie for him to save her job, even though she probably would have. They’d talked about the case one night during the trial.

**

_Olivia poured Rafael his glass of scotch and slid it across the breakfast bar to him where he sat in the chair Noah usually occupied for meals. At this hour, the boy was sound asleep. He’d shed his jacket and tie as soon as he entered the apartment, and was left wearing a white shirt and a pair of suspenders with a subtle paisley pattern he’d paired with his suit that morning. She rounded the corner from the kitchen, holding her own glass of wine._

_“You could drop the charges,” she suggested lightly and got an immediate retort._

_“I drop the charges and it’s tantamount to saying there’s no rule of law. That the judicial system changes its mind; makes exceptions on a whim. Or for sympathetic defendants.” He shook his head. “Yeah, that’s the jury’s determination. Not mine.”_

_She leaned against the small slice of wall at the end of the bar, looking at the man she loved who was clearly struggling with the decision he’d placed before the jury._

_“The law says she’s guilty. But your heart says she’s not. So….so, what are you gonna do?” Olivia asked him softly. He met her eyes._

_“I don’t know,” he told her grimly. “I don’t know.”_

_Putting her glass down, she stepped closer and he swiveled the tall chair toward her so they were facing each other. Another step and she was standing between his legs and lightly rested a hand on each knee._

_“No more work talk,” she said, leaning in to brush her lips against his, then straightened up to look at him._

_“Okay,” he nodded and she could see the stress starting to leave his body._

_Olivia ran her fingertips the length of his strong thighs to his waist and flattened her palms to slide up his chest on the inside of the suspenders to his collar, enjoying the feel of the crisp shirt and the muscled chest beneath it and the undershirt he wore. They’d kissed some more before she led him to the bedroom where they made love, driving the case from his mind at least for a little while. But later as she slept curled against him, he’d made a decision._

_**_

“I wondered when you were going to tell me,” she said lightly and felt him stiffen in surprise. “Oh, Rafa. Did you really think I didn’t know? I know you as well as I know myself, darling.”

Olivia pushed herself up on an elbow and ran her free hand through his hair before placing a loving hand to his face.

“You did what you believed was right. Sometimes we have to lead with our hearts instead of our heads. And it saved a young girl from going to jail.”

“But what if someone figures it out? What if it lands me in jail? Like your dream?” he spoke quietly but she heard the guilt in his voice.

She bent her head and kissed him lovingly.

“Not going to happen,” she whispered. “It was just a bad dream.”


	21. Body Shots & Bubbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael forgets about Valentine’s Day, but Olivia has it covered.
> 
> ***EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for thebarsondaily Naughty & Nice Valentine's Fic a Thon on tumblr. My prompts were food play (naughty) and bubble bath (nice). Enjoy!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as motherbearof03. Just have to add the '0' before the 3.

“Look at the valentines I got to hand out in school!” Noah held up a brightly colored box with pictures of elephants on them; their ears shaped like hearts. 

“Valentines?” Rafael looked at the boy who had rushed up to him as he walked through the apartment door. 

“Yeah, they have jokes on them. Silly ones like you tell, Papi Rafa.”

Olivia walked out of the kitchen to kiss him. “You didn’t forget that Valentine’s Day is coming up, did you?”

He glanced at the calendar hanging on the refrigerator. Valentine’s Day was two weeks away. He muttered something under his breath.

“Rafa!” she scolded, sliding her eyes in Noah’s direction.   
  
“I said it in Spanish,” he defended himself. She leaned against him and whispered in his ear.

“Yes, but I know Spanish,  _ carino _ .”

The past few weeks had been exceptionally busy in the DA’s office. They were short staffed and he had been filling in on other cases as well as his own for the SVU unit. It had been another long day in a string of long days and he’d missed dinner again. He hated that. He also hated that he’d forgotten Valentine’s Day was nearing. This would be his and Olivia’s first Valentine’s Day as a couple and he’d wanted to do something special. 

He shed his jacket and tie, toed off his shoes and sat down on the couch where Noah had his Valentine cards spread out on the coffee table. Picking up one of the cards, he read the joke on it.    
  
“They are silly like mine,  _ mijo _ ,” he told the boy. “Do you have to make a Valentine box?” Rafael remembered covering shoe boxes in colored paper to make box for his classmates to put Valentines into when he was a child.

Olivia watched the pair from the kitchen, thinking how fortunate she was the ADA with the big brass ego had come into her life six years before. Unlike him, she already had their Valentine’s Day planned. The day itself was mid-week and so most people would be celebrating the weekend before or after. Therefore, she was able to get a good price on a hotel room on the actual day and was planning on surprising Rafael with a night away; among other things. He, on the other hand, was mentally scrambling to come up with something.

The next day at work he said to his assistant Carmen, “Why didn’t you remind me Valentine’s Day was in two weeks?”

“Mr. Barba,” she replied with a smile, “I have been reminding you. Check your planners.”

The ever efficient Carmen had put reminders on both his electronic and paper calendars for the last month. Barba had the grace to feel embarrassed when he saw the notations he had missed.

“Sorry, Carmen. I should have known better. You deserve a raise.”

She turned back to the drawer into which she was putting files, smiling again. That statement was his go-to compliment. She was more than generously compensated for managing the office of the driven, often times demanding, but always kind district attorney. Carmen wondered when he would ask her to order flowers for Lieutenant Benson. She had been pleased when they finally came to their senses and acknowledged the feelings they had for each other. 

“Carmen -- “

“Roses? Or something different, Mr. Barba? And delivered to her office or home?”

He burst out laughing and walked back to the doorway that separated his office from area where her desk was located. Leaning against the frame he said, “Am I that predictable? Actually I was going to ask you if you knew what kind of flowers Olivia likes.”

“Now how would I know that, sir?” The use of the formal title was more of a joke between them after all these years. He shrugged.

“You’re a woman?” he offered lamely and it was her turn to laugh.

“I’ll see what I can do, Mr. Barba. Don’t you have court soon?”

He looked at his watch. “Shit! What would I do without you, Carmen?” Grabbing the files she held out, he dashed out of the offices.

Several hours later when Rafael returned to his office, there was a note on his desk in Carmen’s tidy handwriting that said, “No roses. But no one knew what are her favorite.”

A week went by and he still had no idea what kind of flowers to send Olivia nor what to get her. Finally he sought floral advice from his mother, who recommended a bouquet of mixed tulips and sent him a link to a website that explained the meanings behind the colors. He ordered a large bouquet of red (love), cream (I will love you forever), yellow (friendship and happiness) and pink (more happiness) blooms. 

Rafael returned to the jewelry store where he bought her engagement ring, but nothing there screamed “Buy me for Olivia!” to him and he left empty handed. A few doors down, however, there was a new store that had just opened, specializing in bath products. He almost walked by but then decided to go in, remembering how Olivia enjoyed a long, hot bath. Not that she got the opportunity often, with work and Noah. But there had been a few times since they’d been together that she had banished the two of them and locked herself in Noah’s bathroom, the only one with a tub, and disappeared for more than an hour; emerging with pink skin that smelled of exotic scents and looking relaxed. The young blonde salesgirl flirted with him shamelessly even after he told her he was engaged. He left the store with a basket of bath bombs, oils and bubble baths complimentarily wrapped in cellophane printed with hearts, topped with a large red bow. Returning to his office, he showed it to Carmen, who approved heartily and hid it in a closet.

On Valentine’s Day he got up before Noah and Liv and brought her coffee in bed. She thanked him with a kiss. 

“Thanks, counselor.”

“You’re welcome, Lieutenant. Happy Valentine’s Day.” Rafael sat beside her on the bed and ran a finger down her arm from the strap of her tank top to her wrist, raising goosebumps on her skin. She leaned into him and kissed the crook of his neck. “Mmmm. Too bad it’s a work day. We could take Noah to school and come back here and be alone……” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

“Yes, well, if it wasn’t a work day, it probably wouldn’t be a school day,” she chuckled.

“True,” he agreed.

They saw Noah off to school with his Valentines and he kissed her goodbye outside her precinct before going on to his own office, knowing her flowers would be delivered shortly. He had no court appearances scheduled that day; just paperwork and a couple appointments. Rafael was into his third cup of coffee when his phone rang, showing Olivia’s smiling face.

“Hey,” he answered the phone.

“The flowers are beautiful!” He could hear the smile in her voice. “Thank you, Rafa.”

“Just like you,  _ mi amor _ ,” he replied. “You’re welcome.”

“Work is light here today. Can you skip out sooner and we can have an early dinner with Noah and then go somewhere for a Valentine’s dessert?” She proposed. “I already talked to Lucy and she can come over. She and her boyfriend aren’t celebrating until the weekend.”

“Sounds like a great idea. There’s not much going on here today either.”

The three of them had an enjoyable dinner of homemade pizza that Noah insisted be shaped into a heart -- albeit a lopsided one and he showed them all the Valentine cards he’d received at school. When Lucy arrived, they kissed him good night and left the apartment, Rafael carrying the basket of bath products in a shopping bag to give Olivia when they arrived wherever she’d made reservations for dessert. She hadn’t told him, so he was surprised when the Uber pulled up in front of one the more pricey hotels in Manhattan. As he helped her from the car, he quirked an eyebrow at her.   
  
“What’s this?”

“We’re having dessert,” she assured him, with a seductive smile. “Just….alone. Lucy is staying the night with Noah.” She held up a keycard.

“Minx,” he said, putting an arm around her waist and pulling her close for a kiss.

Up in a room that overlooked Central Park they shed their coats and exchanged a more passionate kiss which was interrupted by a knock at the door.    
  
“That would be dessert,” Olivia said.

Opening the door, she admitted a room service waiter pushing a white linen covered cart. Rafael offered the man a tip and he disappeared, closing the door behind him. A variety of silver covered dishes sat on the cart. The green eyed lawyer was very curious as to what his lovely fiancee had planned.

“I’m going to get changed,” she said, picking up a small overnight bag he hadn’t noticed was already in the room.  _ She certainly was prepared! _ When she disappeared into the bathroom, he investigated the covered dishes. Bowls each of strawberries and raspberries. Creme fraiche. Chocolate sauce. Two slices of plain cheesecake. And interestingly, a shot glass, but no liquor.

He had dipped a finger into the creme fraiche and paused with it halfway to his mouth when the bathroom door opened. Olivia’s choice of sleepwear was typically a tank top and a pair of boxers style shorts that provided enough coverage if she needed to tend to Noah in the middle of the night. It was rare that even after lovemaking she ended up naked under the covers next to him. What she was wearing now he had seen only one other time. Early in their relationship they spent a night in another hotel as a reward after some long work weeks and he was pleasantly surprised to see her wearing the same satiny negligee. It was black and short, ending mid thigh with thin straps and trimmed with a bit of lace. Nothing too frilly. Just sexy enough and very Liv, as far as he was concerned.

She paused in the doorway, then walked to him, took his hand in hers and put her lips around his finger, sucking off the sweetened whipped topping. Already partially aroused by the sight of her in the negligee, the sensation of her warm mouth on his digit created a mental image of her mouth wrapped around his cock and he pulled her close so she could feel his increasing hardness. Pressing her hips against his, she asked, 

“Do you approve of dessert?”

“I do,  _ mi amor,  _ I do. But what’s with the shot glass?” Rafael kissed her, slipping his tongue briefly between her lips, tasting the sweetness that remained.

Olivia pulled herself from his embrace and went to another bag, removing a bottle of his preferred brand of scotch. 

“Have you ever done body shots, Barba?” She challenged, brown eyes twinkling.

“Show me what you have in mind,” he countered.

“First, you are overdressed.” Putting the bottle down on the cart, she reached for his jacket and helped him remove it. She loosened and pulled his tie from under his collar while he slid the suspenders from his shoulders and unbuttoned his trousers. She stopped his hands. “Let me.”

She slowly unzipped his pants, taking the opportunity to press her palm against his erection. Then she knelt to help him off with his shoes and socks so he could step out of the pants. He had a clear view of her full breasts as she did and quickly shrugged out of his shirt. Standing, she tugged on the hem of his undershirt and he raised his arms to assist her in its removal. Left in his boxer briefs, his cock straining against the fabric, she pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed then ordered him to lie down.

He did and she placed the shot glass on his sternum, nestled in his chest hair. Opening the bottle, she poured some into the glass. Rafael tried to keep his breathing calm and slow so as not to spill it. Replacing the bottle on the cart, she straddled his lap and placed a hand on either side of him, placing kisses on his abs, working her way to the drink. His cock twitched against her when he realized she wore no panties and could feel her heat against him.

Finally wrapping her lips around the glass, she quickly lifted her head to dump the contents into her mouth and swallowed. Removing the glass from her mouth, she bent her head and kissed him hotly, letting him taste the liquor on her tongue. He groaned as he ran his hands through her hair and pushed his tongue into her mouth. Then he deftly flipped them over so he was looming above her. 

“My turn.” She went to give him the shot glass still in her hand, but he shook her head. “Huh uh, Benson. I’ll teach you how to do a body shot.” A shiver ran through her at his use of her last name and seeing the glint in his green eyes.

Rafael removed his weight from her long enough to retrieve the bottle, then he was back, kneeling between her legs. Opening the bottle, he said, “Tip your head back.”

Obediently she did as she was told, closing her eyes, not knowing what to expect. She drew a sharp breath when she felt the liquid start to pool in the hollow of her throat. 

“Be still,  _ carina, _ you don’t want to waste any,” he warned.

She heard him recap the bottle and felt his hands on her hips, smoothing the satiny fabric up her hips to her breasts, before cupping them briefly, running his thumbs briefly over her nipples which were already hard beneath the fabric. Then she felt his tongue between them, blazing a path to her neck and lapping and sucking the liquid from the hollow of her throat. Olivia gasped at the sensation. Once he swallowed, he claimed her mouth and returned the favor of letting her taste the shot from his mouth. Before she could wrap her arms around his shoulders and continue the kiss, he pulled back and sat on his heels, grinning at her.

“And that, Lieutenant, is how you do a proper body shot. Although this was the first time I’ve done it with scotch. Usually it’s tequila and the salt is on you as well, and you have the lime in your mouth.”

“Tequila? No, no,” she laughed. “Tequila and I aren’t friends. I’ll stick to scotch, thanks.”

“How about a strawberry?” he asked, reaching over and pulling the cart closer to the bed. 

He picked up a strawberry and dipped it into the creme fraiche. Then pulling Olivia into a sitting position he held it to her lips. She bit into it, then grabbed the back of his head and pulled him to her, offering him the other side of the fruit. His lips closed over the berry and her mouth, taking his portion. Juice dripped from their lips to between her breasts and as soon as he had chewed and swallowed, Rafael lowered his head and licked the red trail. She ran her fingers through his hair as his lips made their way from her chest up the side of her neck to her pulse point where he sucked hard enough to leave a mark. She gasped and pulled his head over so she could kiss him, biting on his lower lip. He thrust his hips against her center which was wet with wanting, but she had other ideas in mind.

“Not yet, Rafa.” She kissed him again. “There’s more dessert to be had.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Chocolate or cheesecake?”

“Always chocolate, darling.” Olivia pushed at his shoulders. “Lay down.”

He rolled off of her to lay on his back on the bed, putting his arms behind his head and watching with amusement as she got off the bed and picked up the small bowl filled with chocolate sauce and a spoon. 

“Boxers off, counselor,” she ordered in her best cop voice, even though she was smiling.

He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his underwear and lifted his hips off the bed, slowly pulling them down. She watched as his cock sprang free from containment, standing hard and proud and unconsciously licked her lips. He grinned at her reaction and finished removing the pants, tossing them aside. Returning his hands to behind his head, he said, “All yours,  _ mi amor _ .”

Kneeling beside him, she took a spoonful of chocolate sauce and drizzled it down his chest and stomach, as if she was putting it on an ice cream sundae. It was room temperature, but colder than his skin, so he drew a breath when the liquid first hit it. A second spoonful was used to decorate his penis, which twitched and pulsed as it was coated in chocolate. When Olivia was finished with her artwork, she replaced the bowl and spoon and crawled up onto the bed beside him. She pressed a kiss to his mouth and then began lick the chocolate from his skin, beginning with his chest. With every touch of her tongue to his skin, Rafael began to anticipate her mouth getting to his cock.

By the time she did, he groaned out loud when her tongue ran it’s length, lapping off the sticky sweetness. “Mmmm,” she said, licking her lips.

“ _ Carina, _ ” he hissed. “You are a tease.”

She looked up at him from her position, where she had moved to between his legs and licked his length again from base to tip before engulfing him in her mouth completely, working her tongue around him to remove the chocolate. The sensation was quickly driving him to the edge, but he didn’t want to come in her mouth. When she pulled her mouth off to swallow and take a breath, Rafael sat up and reached for the hem of her nightie, quickly pulling it up and off over her head. Then he rolled them so she was on her back and pinned her arms over her head with one hand, reaching down between his legs to position his tip at her entrance with his other. She whimpered and lifted her hips in request, trying to draw him in. She was dripping with need and aching to have him inside her.

“Desert is over,” he growled, capturing her lips and tasting chocolate. He thrust his tongue and cock into her simultaneously, both of them moaning with pleasure at the sensation.

Both of them were overstimulated and a few thrusts of his hips was enough to push them over the edge of orgasm. Olivia went first and the feel of her walls clenching around him had him groaning her name and joining her. For a moment or two they lay there, breathing hard, sharing lazy kisses. When Rafael moved to withdraw from her, there was resistance from the chocolate that remained on his chest and had created a sugary bond between them. She giggled. He frowned. What had started out as sexy and fun was now sticky and messy.

“I think we need to clean up, Rafa,” she said. “The tub in the bathroom is big enough for two.”

“Well, that’s convenient,” he replied, standing, having successfully succeeded in separating from her and moved to remove the basket of bath products from the shopping bag and putting it on the bed beside her. She sat up and untied the ribbon, allowing the cellophane to fall away. 

“This is from that new store!” Olivia said, and removed a bottle of bubble bath from the basket. She took his hand and led him into the bathroom where Rafael had to admit she was right: the tub was big enough for two. Three, even. Not that he was ever interested in sharing her.

Once the tub was filling and beginning to foam with bubbles, he took her hand and helped her step in, following to sit opposite her in the hot scented water. Taking a washcloth, he gently cleaned the remaining chocolate and some strawberry juice he’d missed from her breasts and belly. Handing her the washcloth, she returned the favor. Then turning and putting her back to his chest, she drew his arms around her middle and sighed happily. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Rafa.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,  _ mi amor. _ ” He kissed her neck, encountering a sticky patch of chocolate that he’d missed. “Next time, let’s skip dessert and go straight to the tub.”


	22. Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for @thebarsondaily weekly prompt: chocolate

_Chocolate or vanilla?_

Olivia frowned at the text from her husband but replied without question because she was on her way into interrogation.

_Chocolate….._

She didn’t give the question a second thought until she texted him that she was on the train back home to Connecticut that evening. It had been almost two years since Rafael left the Manhattan DA’s office and taken a teaching position in the bordering state; and a year since they’d married and moved there. Now she wondered what he’d been asking. He knew her favorite flavor of ice cream was strawberry.

There was no reply, which wasn’t unusual if he was in the midst of making dinner. Olivia retrieved her car from the parking lot at the train station and headed home. As she got out of the car she heard a dog barking but paid no mind since where they now lived, most of their neighbors had dogs as compared to the city. Apartments weren’t designed for dogs, she had explained to Noah many times. Usually after he came back from spending time the Rollins/Carisi family and playing with Frannie.

“I’m home!” she called, entering the front door of their two-story Colonial with a wrap around porch. It was a home in which she never imagined living. Let alone with a husband and son.

When she got no answer, she hung up her coat and placed her gun in the lockbox on the shelf of the closet, then continued into the kitchen. Dinner was in process, but no one was there.

“Rafael? Noah?” Olivia called again. What she got in response was not a human voice, but a woof that came from the backyard. Walking to the door that led outside she saw her husband and son playing with a chocolate labrador puppy.


	23. Sunk Cost Fallacy post ep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little Post Ep to Sunk Cost Fallacy, wherein we were treated to the return of Alex Cabot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first thing I've written prompted by an episode since the-episode-that-shall-not-be-named. I wrote it after the first time Sunk Cost Fallacy aired. With it being shown again tonight before the S19 finale, I decided to polish this up and share. I've tried very very hard since February to convince myself that our beloved Barba isn't really gone. Things like this help me do that. : ) Enjoy!

Olivia Benson’s mind was blown. When she and Carisi followed the potential kidnapping suspect, the last person she expected was to see Alexandra Cabot. After meeting with Alex and Jules and then Stone about reducing the charges against Nick Hunter and getting the news about the lawsuit against NYPD and the DA’s office, she needed a moment. Or three. Closing her office door, she pulled out her phone and sent a text to the only person she could vent her spleen to about this whole messed up case and get sympathy as well as advice.

_-Hi._

_**Hi.** _ (the reply came with a smiling emoji that made her smile at her phone)

_ -I’m trying to get out of here, but it’s been crazy. What’s going on there? _

**_Spelling homework._ **

_ -You’ll never guess who I ran into today tailing a suspect! _

**_You know I hate to guess. Who?_ **

_ -Alex Cabot! _

**_Former SVU ADA Alexandra Cabot? I thought she moved to Florida with the other retired ADA’s?_ **

_ -She said Florida makes her hair frizzy. No, seriously. She’s done a complete 180. She’s helping abused women and children disappear. _

**_So your victim isn’t actually dead I take it?_ **

_ -Not at all. It’s such a mess. Stone just told me the asshole husband is suing me, him, NYPD, the city….pick one. _

**_God, Liv._ **

_ -I might need a good lawyer. Know one? ( _ sent with a winking emoji _ ) _

**_One or two. Finish up so you can get out of there._ **

_ -Okay. I’ll lyk when I leave. Check his homework. He likes to skip words. _

**_I know. See you when you get here._ **

When Olivia stepped through the door of her apartment that evening, later than she would have liked, it was quiet. The living room was dark, but there was a low lamp burning beside the couch as was the light over the stove, showing her the oven was on warm; probably with a plate inside for her. Her stomach rumbled at the thought. She couldn’t remember when she last ate that day. Probably that morning before she kissed her boys goodbye. Turning down the hall to the bedrooms, she saw Noah’s door was closed and she knew he was asleep. She had checked on her phone on the ride home. After the Sheila Porter scare, she purchased a camera designed for nervous parents of newborns, not slightly paranoid police lieutenants but it accomplished the same purpose. Connected to her internet, it had an app that allowed her to check on him at night when she wasn’t home. Her own bedroom door was slightly ajar and lights were on inside. She pushed it open all the way and smiled at the scene before her. Former Manhattan District Attorney Rafael Barba, looking less like a lawyer and more like a stay at home dad, sat against the headboard his laptop perched on his knees, typing away at something. He wore lounge pants and a t-shirt and his feet were bare. These days, his hairstyle was softer and he sported a beard; something Olivia thought she’d never see but found it surprisingly appealing. He looked up as she entered the room and smiled, his eyes crinkling at the sides.

“Hey,” he said, his eyes flickering to the clock on the nightstand.

“I know, I know. Don’t remind me what time it is.” She sank down on the bed, unzipped her boots and pulled them off with a sigh of relief. The mattress shifted as he moved to kneel behind her, helped her off with her blazer and then placed his hands on her shoulders, his thumbs finding those perfect spots that turned her into jelly. She moaned with pleasure and dropped her head forward.

“This is not exactly the action that I want to elicit that sound from you,” he said, kissing the expanse of skin above the top of her blouse.

“Tonight that may be the only way you’ll get it,” she replied, not being able to control the shiver his lips elicited. Then she straightened her neck and turned her head to look at him. “Did I see the oven on warm?”

“Chicken parm with a side of pasta,” he told her, before moving one hand to the side of her face and kissing her on the lips. She leaned her shoulder against his chest for a moment and returned the kiss.

“Mmmm. That’s right, it’s spaghetti night. Did Noah eat any chicken?”

Standing up from the bed, Olivia picked up her boots and tossed them into the closet. Barba tutted and got off his side of the bed with her blazer and put it on a hanger in the closet, moving her boots to the shelf designated for shoes. Then he led the way into the kitchen and took the plate covered in foil out of the oven and placed it on the breakfast bar in front of where she sat on a stool. Sliding a knife and fork across to her on a napkin, he turned back around to shut off the oven. Then he walked around and joined her, sitting sideways with his arm on the counter and answered her question while she ate.

“He had some chicken. After I told him it was a giant chicken nugget covered in cheese and spaghetti sauce.”

“Nice parenting technique, counselor,” she said.

Rafael shrugged. “I’m getting the hang of it.”

And he was. It was April. About 70 days after their emotional exchange outside the courthouse. Later that frigid day Olivia confronted him at his apartment, which was strewn with boxes already filled for moving. She told him in no uncertain terms he was a fool and he wasn’t going anywhere because she loved him and she knew he loved her. He agreed and they exchanged their first kiss then spent a few distracting hours in each others’ arms before he remembered he had already sold his apartment. Move in with me and Noah, she’d said. So he did. At first, it was a little awkward. She got up and went to work every morning. But not with him. He wasn’t sure if he still wanted to practice law, and ended up doing some consulting work; which left his options open for the time being. While he was far more comfortable around Noah than he’d been when Liv first adopted him, the boy was used to him being fun Uncle Rafa, not the Uncle Rafa who told him to pick up his sneakers and wash his hands. But he was right. He was getting the hang of it.

“He ate a bit of that too,” Barba indicated the sauteed zucchini on her fork. Olivia raised an eyebrow waiting for the rest. “After he negotiated ice cream with chocolate sauce for dessert.”

She burst out laughing and it felt good to after the day she’d had. He could see her relax a little. Pushing her plate away on the counter, she turned her chair to face him. 

“What do I have to do to get some?” Liv reached out and traced a finger across the top of his hand. He flipped his hand over and captured hers, lifting to his lips. 

“Oh, I can think of a few things that might earn you some ice cream, but it’s late and you had a long day, so I won’t make you bargain tonight.”

Rafael slid off his chair and walked around the other side of the counter. Removing her plate, he put it in the sink and then opened the freezer, removing a bowl already filled with strawberry ice cream. Taking the chocolate sauce from the refrigerator side, he drizzled on a generous amount and added a spoon and slid it across to her, much like a bartender did with drinks in old westerns. She stopped it and raised a spoonful to her mouth, closing her eyes in delight when the chocolate/strawberry combination mixed on her tongue. Then she opened them and got off the stool.

“I’m taking this to bed,” Olivia announced, padding down the hall. “You coming?”


	24. From The-Episode-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the scene in Drew Householder’s hospital room. Rafael and Olivia are in an established relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a little post Raul live letdown and combined with some badgering on twitter (you all know who you are) and I present this to you. It will eventually be part of Enchanted, but I haven’t gotten that far yet. There’s too much more Barson goodness to be explored between where the story is currently paused and this. It may, no, it probably will change by the time it makes it into the story. But I wrote this after seeing the-episode-that-shall-not-be-named recently, and tbh I’m pretty proud of it. I hope you all like it as well. Hankies at the ready.

Rafael walked out of Drew Householder’s NICU room on shaking legs, past the baby’s mother who was curled into a ball on a hard plastic chair, arms around her legs and eyes wide as she watched him go. She’d seen what he did, of course. Through the glass doors. This man, a stranger to her, had just done what she’d been longing to do for months and unable to do herself minutes prior. He had ended her baby’s suffering. He disappeared from view around a corner as nurses advanced on her wanting to know what happened; having been notified by monitor alarms. Rafael saw a door with a restroom symbol and pushed it, stumbling in, belatedly hoping it was a men’s room. His breaths were coming in shallow gasps and there were spots in his vision. He didn’t know if he was going to pass out or vomit. Throwing off his overcoat, he leaned over the sink, hands supporting his weight on the counter.

_What had he just done? He just killed someone, that’s what. Not someone. A child. An infant._

Lifting his head he looked at himself in the mirror. His face was covered in tears he didn’t realized he’d cried. All he came to the hospital to do was get Aaron Householder to take a plea deal. Then he was going to follow McCoy’s suggestion, go back to his office, polish off the bottle of scotch then take a cab home to Olivia and lose himself inside her sweet warmth if he wasn’t too drunk. Now he had to confess to her what he’d done. She’d never forgive him. This would be it. The end of their relationship that was still in its infancy. She would never trust him with Noah again. _Noah_. A small wailing moan escaped him and he hunched over the sink again. That’s who he saw when he looked at baby Drew. The sweet boy he’d come to love like his own son and partly why he had just flipped that switch. Because if something like that happened to Noah, he couldn’t bear to watch Olivia suffer for her son’s pain.

Rafael didn’t know how long he spent bent over the sink before the vibration of his phone in his pocket roused him. Straightening, he took a deep breath and pulled it out. He had a plethora of missed calls and texts from Olivia. _How long had he not noticed it?_ The most recent text said

**_WHERE ARE YOU?!?!_ **

She was clearly concerned, because he couldn’t remember ever getting a text from her that was in all caps. Previous ones included asking him what he did and did he really turn off Drew Householder’s life support. Horrific news traveled fast, he thought wryly. He was about to reply that he was on his way home when his phone rang, startling him. It was still on silent, so all it did was vibrate in his hand, but Olivia’s smiling face appeared on the screen and he knew if audible, he’d have heard Van Morrison’s “Brown Eyed Girl”. Rafael accepted the call, knowing if he didn’t, she would just keep calling and texting and God knows what trying to find him.

“Hey.”

“Oh, thank God, Rafael. Where are you? Why haven’t you been answering your phone or replying to my texts?” She didn’t sound angry, she sounded relieved.

“I’m still at the hospital. Hiding in a restroom having a small breakdown. This is the first time I’ve ever killed someone.”

“So you did do it?” she gasped.

“Are you asking me as a cop or my --” he couldn’t continue speaking over the lump of emotion that formed in his throat.

“Just come home, Rafa,” Olivia whispered in his ear.

How he managed to get out of the hospital without being noticed, Rafael never knew, but gave it little thought in the cab on the way home. _Home._ He just wanted to go home. Later, he didn’t remember paying the cabbie or making his way into the building and up in the elevator to their door. Somehow, she knew he was there because it opened before he could even begin to fumble for his house keys. He gazed at her face, full of confusion and concern and stumbled across the threshold toward her. She took a moment to help him remove his overcoat and then pulled him into her arms. As he had to her a scant two months previously that horrible day when they didn’t know where or with whom Noah was, she caressed his hair, running her fingers through it at the nape of his neck. He clutched her, feeling like a drowning man and the sobs he had been holding back came out, wracking his body. He tried to muffle the sounds so as not to wake up the child sleeping down the hall. As if reading his thoughts, she rubbed his back and said,

“Noah’s not here. Your mother took him for the night. I thought we might need some time alone.”

“God, Liv. What have I done?” Rafael moaned into her neck, trying to take comfort from her scent.

She reached into his jacket pocket where she knew his handkerchief would be and pulled it out, gently wiping his face. Cupping his cheeks in her hands, she kissed him gently. Then took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom.

“Change your clothes,” she said. “Then you can tell me what happened.”

When he returned to the living room, dressed in sweatpants and his favorite Harvard sweatshirt, feet bare, she handed him a mug of tea. He raised an eyebrow at her, questioning her choice of beverages and she knew he was coming back to himself.

“It has a shot in it. That’s all you need right now.”

Olivia didn’t ask any questions; she simply let him talk. Let him tell her about his conversation with Jack McCoy and how he found himself at the hospital, alone with Maggie and Drew Householder in the NICU. Rafael recounted his conversation with Maggie, how she couldn’t bring herself to flip the switch and how he sent her from the room. He took a steadying sip from the mug in his hands, then he told her how he’d looked at the baby and saw Noah in his place and how he wouldn’t have been able to watch her suffer as her son suffered. She placed took the mug from his hands as they began to tremble and replaced it with her own; holding his tightly.

Rafael looked into the brown eyes of the woman he loved and spoke the words she dreaded hearing, “I turned off his ventilator.”

Olivia had known as soon as she received a call that the life support had been terminated for Drew Householder that someone was going to be charged with the crime. She never expected it could be the man she loved; the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. McCoy was not going to let this slide, she knew. He may have played fast and loose with the law as a young ADA, but when he became District Attorney, he seemed to have forgotten all those idealistic beliefs he once held. She’d heard he said years ago that sometimes bad laws need to be broken. She feared that would not be the stance he would take in this case. She let go of Rafael’s hands and stood from the couch where they were seated.

“I need to fix this.”

“You can’t fix this,” he said.

“I have to. You can’t go to jail.”

Her voice was trembling the way he’d only ever heard it tremble once before. When Noah was missing. He grabbed her hands and pulled her back down beside him.

“Liv. Liv, look at me.” She met his green gaze and saw sadness and resignation.

“You already talked to McCoy,” she said flatly, her shoulders slumping. He nodded.

“I texted him when I changed my clothes. I told him I’ll turn myself in tomorrow morning,” he said quietly. Firmly. “You can’t be part of this now, Liv.”

Olivia laughed mirthlessly. Then she laughed again, a high, hysterical sounding laugh. When she stopped, she wiped tears from her eyes that Rafael knew weren’t happy ones.

“Finally,” she said. “After all these months.”

“What?”

“A conflict of interest.”

A smile ghosted across his lips. When they’d disclosed their relationship to 1PP and McCoy, both were told if there was ever a hint of conflict of interest in a case they were both working on, one or the other would be removed from it immediately. To date, there had been no problems. They had managed to keep their personal and professional lives completely separate. It hadn’t been easy, but they’d done it.

Rafael stood, and pulled Olivia to her feet.

“Let’s go to bed.”

For all he knew, he’d be sleeping in a jail cell tomorrow night. If that was the case, he wanted to spend his last night as a free man in the arms of the woman he loved.


	25. Insider Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone has been sending ADA Peter Stone anonymous letters. Olivia shares them with Rafael.
> 
> RATED G.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea literally came to me out of the blue this morning. It was after I read a tumblr post by notesfrome having a small rant about Stone. I agreed with most of it but it got me to thinking and here's what came of it. Please let me know what you think!

It was a rare weekday morning that neither Olivia nor Rafael had somewhere to be. She had just wrapped up a big case that was now in the hands of the district attorney’s office and he had cancelled classes to allow his students a day to study before midterms. Not that he had any expectations they would all actually be studying, but he told them to consider it a mental health day and be ready for the exam next class. Olivia teased him that’s why there was a waiting list to get into his courses; he was a softie. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Professor Barba had a reputation for being tough but his classes were so interesting, the students were willing to work a little harder; but he always accepted the compliment. They gave Lucy the morning off, walked Noah to school themselves, then strolled arm in arm through the crisp fall air to their favorite diner for breakfast. 

It had been thirty four weeks since that fateful day in February outside the courthouse — not that Olivia was counting — and it had taken several long, emotional, soul-bearing conversations for them to get where they were in their relationship. She’d told Rafael if he ever lied to her again; sin of omission or commission, they were through. He should have told her how unhappy he’d become as a DA, she said, and how much the cases were weighing on him. She didn’t love him because he was a lawyer, Olivia told him. She didn’t care what he did — he could take up acting on Broadway for all she cared, as long as he was happy. He said he didn’t see any footlights in his future; that he was content to sing in the shower and the occasional karaoke night with her squad, but promised to share all his feelings with her going forward. 

And so they went forward. He was offered, and accepted a position to teach at Fordham Law School — booyah, said Carisi, with a wide grin every time the former ADAs new profession came up. Most recently, Rafael shot back that at least now  _ he  _ didn’t have to disclose to Dodds, making the detective’s grin fade. Rollins’ surprise pregnancy had forced the two detectives into disclosing their relationship sooner than they wanted. A few months after exchanging their first spoken I love you’s, Olivia suggested they stop wasting money on two separate apartments and move in together. Her place was honestly too small, so one weekend and one u-haul —  _ “Are you sure you can drive this, Barba?” _ — later, all of her and Noah’s possessions were moved into his Brownstone apartment and they had become an unofficial family of three. Four, if you counted Eddie the elephant, which Noah always did. Rafael wanted to make it official and had been carrying a ring around in the messenger bag he’d traded for his briefcase, knowing it was the one place she wouldn’t look, for at least a month.

As Olivia sat across from him in the diner that morning, the autumn sunlight bringing out the fading summer highlights in her hair, he wished he had it with him then. He would have pulled it out and asked her to be his wife over French toast and a western omelette. But his bag was at home, so a proposal would have to wait.

“What?” She cocked her head to the side as he regarded her with a small smile. He shook his head.

“Nothing. Just thinking how beautiful you look this morning.”

“Charmer.” A faint blush colored her cheeks and she reached for her coffee. After a sip, she put it down and pulled a few pieces of paper from her blazer pocket. Unfolding them, she slid them across the table to him. “Do you know anything about these?”

He looked down at the sheets, which were simple white pages that could have come from any laser printer. The top one was a typewritten letter to his replacement, ADA Peter Stone. It was dated March, shortly after he’d left.

 

_ Dear Mr. Stone, _

_ Welcome to the DA’s office.  _

_ Carmen is the best assistant you’ll ever find. She’s loyal to a fault, the soul of discretion and more organized than you could ever hope to be. Give her access to your calendar and you’ll never miss an appointment. She drinks tea, not coffee, and her favorite kind of chocolate are caramels. _

_ Good luck. _

 

The letter was unsigned. Rafael raised an eyebrow at the woman across from him.

“Why would you think I had anything to do with this? Anyone who has ever worked with Carmen knows these things. You know these things, Liv.”

“True.” She nodded. “Look at the next one. It came with a bottle of scotch.”

He shuffled the papers so the first one was on the bottom and dropped his eyes to the second.

 

_ Dear Mr. Stone, _

_ I was very sorry to hear about your sister. While this doesn’t solve problems, it can occasionally dull the pain for a short while. _

_ Condolences. _

_ P.S. McCoy has a bottle in his bottom drawer too. _

 

When he looked up this time, her eyebrows were raised at him. She took a bite of her omelette and chewed, waiting for him to speak.

“Again, anyone who has worked in the DA’s office knows most of us -- them -- have booze in their drawers. And Pam Stone’s death wasn’t exactly a secret. It was all over the news,” he said, forking up a bit of French toast and a piece of strawberry.

“But he got this after I told you I found him in his office that night his sister was killed, polishing off a bottle.”

Rafael shrugged.

“Coincidence. But why do you have these?”

“Peter thought I sent the first one. After I told him I didn’t, and then he got the second one, he thought maybe I would know who did.” She fixed him with her brown gaze. He returned it, unwavering, over the rim of his coffee cup. “Look at the last one.”

Olivia watched as his long fingers shuffled the pages once more and read the contents of the last page. The third letter was longer than the first two combined.

 

_ Dear Mr. Stone, _

_ Being in a courtroom is like being on stage. You need to capture your audience -- the judge, jury and witnesses alike -- both verbally and visually. You might want to pay a little more attention to your wardrobe. _

_ Dark suits are fine because they allow for repetitive wear without it being obvious, but white shirts can be boring; especially with plain ties. Your maroon and navy ones are conservatively understated, and I don’t know how courtroom fashion is in Chicago, but you might want to try some with a little more color and perhaps a bolder pattern. _

_ My last suggestion is less about your wardrobe but more about body language. When you stand up to address a witness, button your jacket. It keeps it from flapping about, gives you an extra moment to gather your thoughts and makes the witness wonder what you’re going to say. _

_ It’s hard being the new guy. Keep up the good work. _

 

As he read, she watched the smug confidence fade from his face. When his eyes met hers again, his expression was now one of chagrin.

“What gave me away?” he asked.

Olivia allowed her mouth to curve into a satisfied smile. She reached over and covered his hand with hers.

“Rafa, if you had stuck to just the first two, I could have believed they were from someone else. But when you addressed his clothes, you might as well have put our return address on the envelope and signed your name with Noah’s red marker.”

“Too much?” He slid the pages back across the table. She shook her head and refolded them to slip back in her pocket.

“No. I think he really appreciated them.He wasn’t exactly welcomed with open arms by some people,” she said with a rueful twist of her lips. “And he has taken some of your  _ fashion advice _ ,” she said it with verbal air quotes, “to heart. I’ve seen him in a blue shirt and the other day he had on a yellow tie with blue stripes. But the day I see him in a pair of suspenders is the day I turn in my retirement papers.”


	26. Family Can Always Come Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael sees a photo of Olivia and Noah with Peter Stone and decides it's time to go home.
> 
> Rated G.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my fix-it from that BTS photo of Mariska, Ryan and Phillip. I almost wish those scenes end up on the cutting room floor, because I don't want to see them on screen. I hope this helps soothe your Barson heart a little. It did mine.

Olivia wasn’t sure how he found out; maybe the boy himself said something. She had finally given in over the summer and allowed Peter to treat them to a game when the Cubs came to town. But she made sure her entire squad was included so Stone didn’t get the wrong idea. Afterward she was glad she had, because Noah’s face was one to behold when he got to go into the locker rooms and run the bases. But that night, once he was tucked into bed and she in hers, she opened up her email to compose one like she had been doing at least once a week since February, not knowing if they were even reaching the recipient. None had ever bounced back, though, so she could only hope they had.

_Dear Rafa,_

_I let Stone take us to a ball game today. The whole squad, not just Noah and I. He was so excited to meet the players and get a ball signed. But I wish you could have been there with us. I hope you are well wherever you are and it’s not as ungodly hot as it is here in the city._

_I miss you, my friend._

_Love,  
_ _Liv_

Thinking about that email reminded her of the one currently on her screen. It was from Noah’s fall ball coach asking if she did indeed work with former Cubs pitcher Peter Stone and if she thought he might be willing to do a small clinic with the boys before the weather got too cold. Most of the fall ball season had been spent working on skills, since a spate of wet weather made the fields unusable. Olivia sighed and bit her lip. She didn’t dislike Stone per se. He wasn’t a bad lawyer, even though his most recent personal scandal, if you will, had just reinforced to her how young he really was and still prone to making bad decisions. But from everything she had learned about him when she googled his baseball past before the game, he had been a very good pitcher before his shoulder injury ended his career. So who was she to deny a group of little leaguers the benefit of his experience?

“Momma, did you get an email from Coach Buchert?” Noah asked at breakfast the next day. “About asking Mr. Stone if he’d come talk to our team?”

“I did, sweet boy, and I told him I will ask Mr. Stone. He’s a very busy man, though, so don’t get your hopes up.”

Fortunately for the boys -- and the coach as well it seemed -- Stone was more than happy to share his knowledge with the group of six year olds. And so Olivia found herself in the park on a sunny but brisk November Saturday afternoon watching the boys wriggle with excitement, listening to a ‘real’ albeit former, baseball player. And knowledge he did have, she admitted grudgingly, as she watched him patiently instruct each boy how to hold the bat and then throw each of them some gentle pitches. He pitched to them all until each boy had successfully hit the ball at least twice. The proud parent in her was pleased to see Noah connect with the ball more times than not. Olivia wondered why he gave up baseball completely and went into law, instead of coaching professionally.

At the conclusion, Coach Buchert asked Stone if he could take a photo to put on the little league organization’s website, to which he willingly agreed. Shots were taken with him and the team and each boy who wanted one individually. Then the coach called Olivia over and said he wanted one with her, since she was the reason they were able to hold the clinic with the former player. She obliged, since Noah was in the photo with them, smiling for the camera. Work got busy in the days that followed and she never went and looked at the photos that went up on the website.

Rafael Barba, did, however. He had followed Noah’s little league season all summer via the website, watching the scores of the games and the photos shared by parents. He couldn’t believe how big the boy had grown! He told himself he shouldn’t be surprised, given the size of his biological father, Johnny D. When the season ended, the photos had tapered off, but he had logged back onto the site in October, since it had indicated there was going to be a shortened fall season. But the weather had prevented them from having many games and there had been little information to follow. Nonetheless, every Sunday he logged in to see if there were any updates. This Sunday, however, he drew a shocked breath to see the header that said:

 **NYPD’s Finest Brings Former Pitcher Turned ADA For Fall Clinic**.

Beneath was a photo of Olivia, Noah and Peter Stone, smiling happily; Noah wearing a batting helmet and holding a bat. She and Stone had their arms around each other. He tried to tell himself it meant nothing. Surely Rita would have told him if Olivia had started dating his replacement. She was the only person from his former life that he kept in touch with regularly other than his mother. Rita kept him up to date on the lives of the SVU squad. He knew, for instance, that Amanda Rollins was pregnant by Dr. Al, the cheating cardiologist and that he’d asked her and Jesse to move in with him. But the details he was always most eager to hear were those about the head of the division and her young son. Noah was in first grade this year and Rafael also checked his school’s website frequently with hopes of seeing something about the boy.

Recently, as the holiday season approached, he had considered returning to the city and making contact with the woman he left standing in the cold nine months before. Not that he hadn’t thought about it many times since. He’d had her number on his screen and finger hovering over the call button more than he could count, but had chickened out every time. He was sure she despised him. Olivia had never tried to contact him. He had kept his personal email address the same just in case. That was how he communicated with Rita. But there had never been a single missive from the lieutenant. His eyes were drawn back to the photograph. She certainly looked happy. Arm around Stone and Noah. The three of them almost looked like -- he swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in his throat -- a family. Once upon a time, she considered him family.

Rafael suddenly knew he couldn’t maintain his radio silence anymore, but he didn’t trust his voice to make a call. He opened up his email program to a notice he had 45 new messages that had previously been identified as Spam, but a new update recognized them as a legitimate sender. His eyes widened as he realized they were all from the same, familiar email address and the oldest one was from a week after he’d left. Heart pounding, he clicked on it.

_Dear Rafa,_

_I hope this finds you well. I don’t know if you will get this or if you even want to read it since you were so determined to “move on”. There were some things you didn’t give me a chance to say. Hopefully someday I’ll get to tell you what they are. Please know if you ever decide to return, we will be waiting for you, because family can always come home._

_Love,  
_ _Liv_

  
There were 44 others. The most recent was from the day Stone had visited Noah’s team. She told him how proud she was her son had hit the pitches thrown to him and that she wished he could have seen it. She wished he could have seen it. Surely that meant the photo was just a photo. He clicked back to the the first email. _Family can always come home._  Rafael opened a new tab on his browser and checked flights to New York City. He hoped she still meant it.


	27. Family Can Always Come Home, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael returns home.
> 
> Rated G. Well, there’s one kind of bad word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I have no self control when it come to Barson. There will be a part 3 and that will likely be the end.

**PART 2**

The day before Thanksgiving was always touted as the worst day to fly. But Rafael hadn’t much of a choice. He needed to wrap up the work he was doing before leaving and booking a flight the week before the holiday didn’t offer many options. Even throwing cost to the wind, the best he was able to manage was one that connected through Topeka -- Topeka! But it got him home. 

Home. The word had become his mantra the last few days. 

Rafael had read through all of Olivia’s emails until he nearly knew them by heart. She never mentioned him coming home again, or asked if or when he was. They were simply informative; telling him about her week or something Noah had done. It was if she was keeping a lifeline open between the two of them, even though he hadn’t known about it until now. Occasionally, she mentioned work, but not in great detail. He knew her well enough though, to be able to read between the lines and tell when a case had been particularly difficult. He felt guilty for not being there to offer a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to lean on. He felt guilty about a lot of things.

As the plane approached the city and the skyscrapers came into view, Rafael was filled with emotion. New York City had been his home from birth. It had been hard to turn his back on it for the last nine months, but he’d needed to find himself. As he’d told Olivia during the Martha Cobb case, his own moral compass had gone a little haywire and by the time the Householder case landed on his desk, that little needle was spinning in dizzying circles. The only time he felt semi-grounded was with Olivia, but his unspoken feelings for her made even those times confusing. 

The months away from the city, the DA’s office, had slowed the spinning to a slow waiver, as the needle tried to stabilize itself. He’d found pleasure in the law again, more in the area of family court than criminal, working with child custody and immigration cases. After discovering all the emails she’d sent him -- continued to send him without a response in return -- Rafael realized Olivia was where his compass was trying to lead him. She was his true north, and he needed to make sure she knew that, although he was fairly certain she did. He had replayed that day outside the courthouse over in his head so many times it almost became like a dream, or a movie he was watching; not actually the two of them. 

“And?” she had said to him, when he had told her she’d brought color to his life and he thanked her for it. She’d given him the opening. After all the evenings spent going over cases, hashing out details first with drinks at Forlini’s and then before he’d left, in the intimacy of her apartment, Olivia had thrown the door wide open, inviting him to tell her how he felt about her.

As the plane landed, Rafael was jarred from his reverie and he concentrated on getting his carryon from the overhead compartment and off of the aircraft along with all the other holiday travelers, jostling each other in a hurry to reach their destinations. Baggage claim was crowded and he waited patiently for the carousel to produce his luggage from the hidden depths of the airport. The only person he’d told of his return was his mother. Lucia Barba, although she gossiped freely with her Mahjong ladies, could also be the soul of discretion and he’d asked her not to tell anyone. Not that there was anyone she could really tell. But on the off chance she happened to run into Rita or even Olivia, he didn’t want her telling them he was coming home. 

Thanksgiving dawned cold. Cold enough that Olivia had already decided the night before she and Noah were not going to the parade after looking at the forecast. She debated telling him before bed, but decided she didn’t want to have to deal with a bedtime tantrum. At least in the morning a meltdown wouldn’t be fueled by tiredness as well as disappointment. She was disappointed as well. She’d wanted something different to do that Thanksgiving since it was just going to be the two of them. The year before they’d spent it with Sheila Porter, Noah’s grandmother; not knowing what shitshow of craziness lurked behind the woman’s smiling exterior and mouth-watering pie crust. Then shortly before Christmas she was reminded that blood didn’t make family; it was the commitment and caring people had for one another when Fin, Carisi, Amanda and Rafael were there for her in the aftermath of Noah’s kidnapping by Sheila. This year, however, she and Noah were alone. Amanda and Jesse were having Thanksgiving dinner with Dr. Al; catered no doubt, Amanda said, but he was trying. Fin was spending his day with his son’s family and Carisi with his parents and sisters. All three of her detectives had extended an invitation to her and Noah to join them, but she’d declined. Before Noah woke and she had to break the bad news to him, she took her coffee back to bed and opened her email.

_ Dear Rafa, _

_ Happy Thanksgiving! It’s a cold one here at home this year. I was going to take Noah to the parade; start a new tradition, but standing for three hours in 20-degree weather isn’t my idea of fun. Hopefully he’s not too disappointed. He wanted to see the new Grinch balloon and the Olaf one. Wherever you are, I hope you know I am always thankful for you my friend and that I miss you. _

_ Love, _

_ Liv _

Across town at his mother’s place, Rafael’s phone chimed softly, telling him he’d gotten an email from Olivia. Ever since discovering the unread messages, he’d made sure his phone notified him when one was received from her. It woke him and he reached for it, looking blearily at the time. His brain was still in the time zone a couple hours behind the east coast and thought he should still be sleeping. As his eyes focused on the message, an idea began forming in his head.

As anticipated, Noah was not happy with the news they were not going to the parade, but a reminder that acting out would result in not being allowed to watch it on television as well managed to derail anything other than an outcry of “But Mom!” and then “Fine!” before he stalked off, as much as a six year old could stalk, to brush his teeth. She could hear drawers and cabinets being opened and closed with a little more vigor than usual but that was better than some of his recent outbursts. Olivia sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. No one had told her six would be harder than two or three, and wished, not for the first time as of late, that she had someone to talk to about parenting.

The parade ended with the appearance of Santa and Olivia blinked away a tear. The magic of the Christmas season always made her emotional. She stood, picking up the two empty mugs of hot chocolate from the table in front of the couch and dropped a kiss on top of Noah’s curls.

“That’s enough television for a while,” she said. “Why don’t you go play in your room for a little while I start the turkey? I’ll call you when lunch is ready.”

“Okay. I’ll start my letter to Santa.” 

Her son disappeared into his room, his normal, happy disposition having been restored while they watched the parade together. 

She had just put their small turkey, stuffed fit to burst, into the oven when there was a knock at the door. Olivia could never say what made her open the door without looking through the peephole to see who was on the other side. Maybe her brain just registered the familiarity of his knock, she said when telling the story years later. She swung the door open, her mouth following, at the sight of Rafael Barba standing on the other side.


	28. Family Can Always Come Home, Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barba has come home to New York after realizing Olivia had been sending him emails ever since he left but he hadn't gotten them until recently. How will she react?
> 
> Rated for all audiences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Part 3. Fini. Done. I have other things I need to work on. No amount of begging and pleading will get me to continue this storyline. Although I might respond to monetary bribes. JK ; ) I never intended it to be this long. But again, when it comes to Barson I have no self control.

Olivia’s eyes traveled him from head to toe and back up, trying to process whether what she was seeing was real or a Thanksgiving hallucination brought on by too much hot chocolate. He was dressed casually for the weather in a dark wool coat that was unbuttoned to reveal a plaid flannel shirt over a colored t-shirt and jeans. Around his neck he wore a scarf in a completely different plaid than his shirt, but somehow, being Barba, he pulled it off. On his feet were casual lace up shoes.  He looked…...younger somehow, than he had the last time she’d seen him, even though his hair had more gray in it and the neatly trimmed mustache and beard that framed his face was liberally sprinkled with the same. 

She blinked. He was still there. She reached out a tentative hand and her fingers grazed the softness of his scarf. Then she flattened her hand against his chest. He reached up and covered it with his, fingers chilly from being outside. Beneath her palm she felt the rapid beating of his heart. This was no hallucination. Rafael spoke as he saw realization dawn in her eyes.

“It’s really me, Liv.”

“It’s really you,” she echoed softly, then recovered herself and pulled her hand away, as if her brain had reminded her she shouldn’t be so accepting of his appearance after nine months of no contact and her voice grew harder. “What are you doing here, Rafael?”

“I’m home,” he said, holding her gaze. “I’m home and I wanted to see you. And Noah.”

Olivia didn’t reply. He said it so calmly, so nonchalantly. As if he’d just been away for the weekend or a business trip. Didn’t he realize it had been nine months? 

Oh!” he added, as if he’d just remembered. “I brought him something. They aren’t what I wanted. Can you believe that in the city that never sleeps there isn’t a balloon store open today?”

Rafael knew he was babbling to fill the silence, but he couldn’t stop himself. His heart was so happy. He hadn’t realized until he saw her in person how much he had missed her. He lifted his other hand to show her two balloons on plastic sticks. One was Olaf, the snowman from the animated movie Frozen and the other was the latest incarnation of Dr. Seuss's Grinch. They looked like miniature versions of the balloons that had made their way down Central Park West and South to Herald Square earlier that day. When he couldn’t find a balloon store that was open, having had the thought of getting the boy helium filled ones, he detoured along the parade route on his way to her apartment, hoping to find souvenir stands. His search proved fruitful.

“I thought even though you didn’t go to the parade today, he could still see the balloons.”

“You thought? How did you?” Olivia’s confused sputtering was interrupted by Noah’s voice.

“How do you spell Millenium Falcon? Mom?” He rounded the corner, looking for her. “Who’s at the door? Uncle Rafa? What are you doing here?”

Then he took the leap only children can make in situations like that. Because it was a holiday. And holidays were when families came home.

“You didn’t tell me Uncle Rafa was coming for Thanksgiving dinner!” he said accusingly, looking back and forth between the adults.

“He’s not --”

“I’m not --”

Paying no attention to either of their protests, he spotted the balloons in Rafael’s hand. 

“Are those from the parade? Did you go? Momma and I were going to go but she said it was too cold,” Noah said with a little eye roll.  “Those are two of the balloons I wanted to see.”

Olivia realized he was still standing in the hallway and she stepped back so Rafael could enter the apartment, still a little gobsmacked that he had appeared on her doorstep after months of no communication.

“No, I didn’t go to the parade. But I heard you wanted to so I got you these.” The man presented the balloons to the boy.

“Cool! Thanks, Uncle Rafa. They look just like what we saw on tv, don’t they Mom?” 

Noah took the sticks and held them so Olivia could see. Having no awareness of the growing tension between his mother and the man who had been gone from their lives for almost a year, he shifted gears.

“Did you make lunch? I’m hungry.”

Manners and curiosity had Olivia inviting Rafael to join her and Noah for sandwiches, although the boy monopolized most of the conversation, telling the former ADA all about his own life in the last nine months and what he had been putting in his letter to Santa. Rafael aided with the spelling of Millenium Falcon, which apparently was on the list in both Lego and action figure form. Finally, wanting to get some answers of her own, Olivia granted holiday permission for Noah to watch a movie on her ipad in his room. She excused herself to get it set up for him, leaving Rafael alone remembering the last time he was in her apartment. It was when he told her he didn’t know what to do about the Mariel McLaughlin case. Then he ended up “accidentally” disclosing information about the case to an elevator full of jurors. He had considered telling her how he felt that night. She’d been on leave after Noah’s kidnapping, not even working the case, but invited him over to talk about it. He’d sat at the counter in the very chair he was in now, in suspenders and shirtsleeves, almost feeling as if he belonged there. There had been a few moments, between sentences, when they’d made eye contact and he thought he saw something there. Something more than coworkers. More than friends. Something he wanted but was afraid to say out loud.

Olivia returned from Noah’s room and sat down on a tall stool opposite him. She had so many questions, she hardly knew where to start so she said the first thing that came to mind.

“How did you know we were going to go to the parade?”

“Your email --”

“You got my emails?” She leaned away from him in surprise. She didn’t know what she thought he was going to say, but that was not what she expected.

“Yes, but --” Olivia interrupted him again.

“You got my emails but couldn’t be bothered to reply and then you chose today to show up on my doorstep -- bearing gifts for Noah no less.” She blew out a breath. “Wow.”

She ran her hands through her dark tresses, which were a little longer and held a few more highlights since he’d last seen them, he thought.

“Why didn’t you just wait until Christmas and show up with something I told you he wanted from Santa?”

Rafael winced at her tone. But it was deserved.

“Liv, I’ve earned every bit of anger you feel toward me, but I did not come here today to try and bribe my way back into your good graces through your son. You know me better than that.”

_ I used to,  _ her eyes accused, and he wanted to reach out for her but she was still leaned back in her own chair, as far away from him as she could get without moving off of it. When she didn’t speak, he continued.

“I did get your emails. But until the other day, they were in my Spam folder. I couldn’t reply to something I didn’t know I’d received.” 

Her eyes narrowed at him, the way she would look at a suspect she wasn’t sure was telling the truth.

It was a flimsy reason for not replying to her emails, and Rafael knew he was going to need evidence to support his case if he wanted her to believe him. 

“I can prove it.”

Olivia folded her arms across her chest.

“Show me the evidence, counselor.”

Her words sounded so much like the banter they used to exchange his stomach gave a little flip of delight. But he hadn’t won yet. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he opened up a screenshot he’d taken the day he got the notification that her emails had been identified as spam, and slid it across the counter. 

“Defense exhibit A.”

Olivia reached for her reading glasses that were on the counter, put them on and raised the phone to look at it then held held out the device. Their fingers brushed as he took it and she cursed her traitorous heart for beating faster at his touch. She wanted to be mad at him. She wanted him to understand that every time she sent one of those emails, it felt like she was writing to a soldier at war; not knowing where he was, if he would ever see her letters or even if he was ever coming home. At first, when she’d received nothing back, she wanted to stop. But she couldn’t. She felt like if she stopped it would mean he really was never coming home, and she wasn’t ready to accept that. He might have needed to move on but she didn’t. Couldn’t.

“Anything else?” 

“Just a closing argument.”

Rafael’s green gaze held hers and he swore he saw a flash of what he thought he’d seen that night months ago. When she didn’t look away, he took a breath and began.

“Olivia, when I left here I was lost. I needed to figure out who I was and what I wanted from my life. After reading your emails, albeit belatedly, I realized that what I want -- what I need -- is to have you in it. You kept writing, not knowing if I was getting them. You didn’t give up on me. Even when I gave up on myself.”

He reached out and covered her hand where it lay on the counter. She didn’t pull away. He took that as a good sign.

“Of course I didn’t give up on you,” she whispered, not trusting her voice to speak any louder. Olivia put her other hand on top of his and gave it a squeeze. “Still squabbling at 85, remember?”

Then she lifted her hand and reached out to place her palm against his cheek.

“I missed you, Rafa. So very much.”

He tipped his head into her touch and then leaned forward so their knees touched. Olivia’s hand slid to the back of his neck and drew him closer and his hand on hers slid up her arm. They could feel each other’s breath on their lips when a young voice came from the other room.

“Mo-om! The movie stopped working!”

They both froze for a moment. Olivia nearly ducked her head to reply but then realized that would put his lips at her forehead and she didn’t want a reminder or a repeat of that. So she turned her head slightly toward the bedroom and said loud enough for Noah to hear,

“Give it a minute. The streaming might need to catch up. Otherwise, I’ll be right there to take a look.”

“Okay! Nevermind, it’s fixed!”

Before she could turn her head back, she felt Rafael’s lips against her cheek and then the hand on her arm was in her hair, turning her head back and holding it in place so he could cover her lips with his. Her eyes drifted close as she savored the moment she had nearly given up hoping would ever happen.  His neatly trimmed mustache tickled her lips a little but that was forgotten when he got off of his chair to to stand between her legs and pull her completely into his embrace. Rafael’s arms were strong and held her tightly and she never wanted him to let go. Olivia clung to his shoulders, the flannel of his shirt under her fingers a soft contrast to the taut muscles beneath, finally pulling her lips from his to catch her breath.

“You’re staying for dinner, right?”

Hours later Noah was in a turkey coma, sprawled half asleep on the floor his head pillowed on Eddie while a Christmas special played on the television. Liv and Rafael sat behind him on the couch, cups of coffee in one hand, their other ones clasped together on his leg.  He rubbed his thumb over hers and said,

“You know, part of me is glad I didn't get your emails right away. Chances are that if I had, I'd have responded with something stupid that would have made you stop writing."

Maybe it was because she too, had consumed enough of the holiday dinner to make her relaxed or because the fear she’d been combatting that Rafael would never come home had disappeared as quickly as her son’s slice of pumpkin pie after being held in the arms of the man at her side but Olivia tilted her head to lean it against his shoulder and replied,

“You’ve said plenty of stupid things to me before, Barba. They never made me stop loving you.”

As soon as she uttered the words, Olivia realized it may have been too much too fast. She closed her eyes for a moment, hoping she hadn’t just ruined everything, then straightened and moved to pull her hand out of his, but he kept his long fingers firmly curled around hers.

“Liv,” he said softly. Not because he didn’t want to wake the now-asleep boy on the floor, but because his throat was tight with emotion.

“I’m sorry.” She shook her head.

“Don’t be.” Rafael leaned forward and put his cup on the table, then took hers and did the same. Shifting so that he was facing her, he took her other hand in his. His green eyes were dark and serious but he offered her a half smile and a laugh. “I’ve been trying to figure out since I got here how to tell you I love you.”

“All you had to do was say it.”

“I wasn’t sure what you’d say.”

“That it was about time,” Olivia said with a tilt of her head.  “What would you say if I told you I wanted you to stay?”

His green eyes twinkled with mischief.

“That I was hoping you would so I didn’t have to get Noah to suggest it.” Then he took her into his arms, pushing her back against the cushions. “And that there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”


End file.
